The Liar and the Bitch

Recently, I had to cut off contact with someone I was very good friends with. She was simply...well, bad for me. If any of you haven't read Anton LaVey's essay about psychic vampires, I highly recommend you look it up. For those of you who are too lazy, it's basically about people who drain you emotionally and never give you anything in return. That's precisely what this girl did to me.

Since the girl in question may read this, for the sake of her privacy I shall refer to her as Liar. Now, Liar liked to tell lies (hence the name). Completely out-of-proportion, totally unbelievable, "wtf" worthy lies. But she expected everyone to believe her. Now, I was dating a girl at the time who also may read this, so for the sake of her privacy we'll call her Bitch. Bitch and Liar were very good friends. In fact, it was Bitch who introduced me to Liar in the first place. But as time went on, Liar's stories got more and more unbelievable. Here's a paraphrased example of one:

Liar: Guys, a gang in The-Middle-Of-Nowhere, Canada kidnaps me every night and forces me to play nurse. If I don't do it they'll kill me.
Bitch: Wow. Umm, and your parents don't notice? What with you being gone every night?
Liar: ....
Bitch: Why not go to the police?
Liar: They won't do anything!
Me: Right, because police just love to let gangs in Population: Approx. 100-ville run rampant.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it evolved into this:

Liar: Guys, the mafia kidnapped me and they're holding me hostage!
Bitch: So naturally they let you online to tell us about it, right?

Eventually, Bitch got fed up with it and told Liar to fuck off. Bitch didn't want to be friends with her anymore. Man, I envy Bitch. I had to put up with this bitch (Liar, not Bitch--me and Bitch broke up shortly after this. That bitch.) for 2 more years.

As all of Liar's friends started to leave her because of her lying ways (her boyfriend even faked his death so he wouldn't have to put up with her anymore. DAYUM!), I somehow remained the only one left who supported her. I dunno, I have a bad habit of trying to be friendly to people no one else likes. My bad. Her stories just continued to get more and more ridiculous, and evolved from being raped twice in one month (I honestly believe she forgot that she had lied to me about it already and made up a new story) to being shot at 3 days in a row by afore-mentioned gang members in Buttfuck, Canada. I believe throughout the course of the 3 years I knew her, she was "about to die any day now" at least 30 times, "kidnapped by the mafia" at least 6, and "seriously injured" (broken bones/severe bruises/cuts/gun wounds) about 9 or 10 times. IN THREE YEARS. Yeah, very likely, Eri--I mean Liar. My bad, I almost slipped there.

So finally, the other day I laid down the law on that bitch (again, Liar). I was having an argument with someone when Eri--damn it!--Liar wanted to know what was wrong. I'll paraphrase the conversation from there on out:

Me: Liar, you never tell me what's going on with you whenever I ask, so why should I tell you about this?
Liar: Because the stuff I could tell you would get us both killed?
Me: .......Liar, do you really expect me to believe that? All you've ever told me since I've known you are these absolutely ridiculous stories about how people want to kill you, yet I can't help but notice you're ALIVE.
Liar: Becuase I'm IMPORTANT, maybe?
Me: Or because they're untrue. Liar, I don't have the emotional capacity to put up with you anymore.
Liar: Well good to know we're on the same page! I don't have the capacity to put up with you anymore, either!
Me: Alright then. Goodbye, Liar.

And I blocked her and removed her from my Facebook.

Anton LaVey was right in talking about how dangerous psychic vampires are, and that you should remove them completely from your life. I strongly urge you to read his essay and take it to heart.

Oh, and...

FUCK YOU, ERIN, HA HA!

Bitch. (Not that one)