Lesbians are the bane of existence and only want to steal your girlfriend.

Lesbians are the reason 95% of all relationships fail. While I grab my flame shield before all the pro-gay/pro-lesbian people get on my ass, I do have valid reasons for why they suck. While lesbians are hot, that really is their only talent. For porn. That's it, end of fucking story. I am convinced that their mission on this earth is to STEAL every man's girl for their secret lesbian agenda. I have seen more relationships fail because the girl decided that being with her perfectly fine man isn't good enough.

See, it always starts like this. First, the lesbian asks the guy's girlfriend if they can go somewhere for dinner. The girlfriend assures the guy that it's just something friendly. And that's the problem, nothing is ever friendly. When the girl comes back, she doesn't mention what happened. Later on, you see the girlfriend and the lesbian hugging, holding hands, but once again, assuring the guy that it's "friendly". Next comes the "friendly" kissing, and the "friendly" I love yous, and then the "friendly" going over the lesbian's house to spend the night.

After *all* that is done, normally on a day after the girl tells you she's not going to dump the poor guy, it happens. Guy gets a phone call, or a text message, or an IM, and then "the talk" happens. You know, the one that always starts with "We need to talk." And this happens, ALL. THE. TIME. Lesbians claim they don't do this on purpose, but we all know the lying rugmunchers are well...lying.

First off, they ALWAYS go for girls that are with boyfriends. See: every single lesbian porn video ever. Why can't they go for another girl? People always tell you there are other fish in the sea, but lesbians are INTENT on taking your goldfish. God forbid them to go after a tuna. Two, they know what girls want because they are girls. Because guys cannot understand the the female mind, they take advantage of this. This comes in handy during, once again, sex, to the point that guy becomes so inadequate, that he can't get the girl off. And finally, the lesbian has a more likable personality than the guy. What girl is going to want to be with someone that likes sports, video games, and nudity when she can have someone who likes make-up, chick flicks and going to the mall? So as you can see, the guy is at SUCH a disadvantage, he can't win. So what're you going to do about it?

I've devised this plan, just like the government in the Netherlands does for crack/heroin addicts. Set up a small area for the drug users, give them drugs, but they can't do anything except shoot up heroin. And that's where lesbians need to go. A place where they can only be with lesbians, preferably the fat ones, and that's all they can do. And if a girl is bisexual leaning MORE to the girl side, they have to go there too. That's completely fair, and if you disagree, you're clearly fascist. Or, if that's unfair, what about the rule that Mafia has in place? You get with a girl or guy who is taken, and you get MURDERED. I've eliminated the entire problem of cheating right there.

In short, folks, just say no to lesbianism.

The PS3 is better than the 3FixMe and the Nintendo Pee. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Well, you all already know how I feel about the Wii, so I thought maybe I ought to give the 360 it's chance so I can then bash it and tell you all why the PS3 is infinitely superior in every single fucking aspect. I guess the first thing I should tackle would be the fail rate. And for those of you who don't click that, there's a beautiful image on that page that I'm going to post here. Redundant? Maybe. Awesome? Hellz yes.



But seriously. The Xbox 3FixMe has a 54.2% fail rate. FIFTY FOUR POINT FUCKING TWO. That's just unacceptable. PIECE OF SHIT. Or as Remy would say, PIECE OF GURREN LAGANN. This game console is the result of Microsoft's gargantuan shit that wouldn't flush down the toilet, so they decided to market it instead. "But wait, Xyle," you may say. "What about SONY'S piece of shit? It's only fair if you talk about THEIR shit as well!" Very well, Clyde, I shall. The PS3 has a LESS THAN ONE PERCENT FAIL RATE. Despite what the BBC may claim, I've yet to hear of really any problems with the PS3, and the few I have heard were resolved by Sony in a timely manner. However, everyone I know with a 3FixMe has had problems with it. One of my friends at college is on his third one. What happened to the other two? RRoD, what else?

But allow me to get back on topic. The controllers. The 360 has the most god-awful controller I think I've ever had the displeasure of holding, aside from maybe the Virtual Boy, but let's just consider that the excpetion that proves the rule. PIECE OF SHIT. However, Sony decided to do things the right way and adopted an approach of "if it ain't broke, DON'T FUCKING FIX IT." The PS3 controller is superior in every way, shape, and form to the 360's except in maybe one regard: first person shooters. But really, if you bought a 360 for first person shooters, you're a moron, because computer's have this nifty thing called a MOUSE that's also superior to the shitty 360 controller. As a matter of fact I have yet to see one exclusive 360 game that either hasn't been ported to the computer or isn't going to be ported to the computer eventually. Which also brings me to my third point...

EXCLUSIVES. One can no longer refer to the exclusive argument when referring to the 360 being better than the PS3 because, frankly, it isn't true anymore. Halo 3? Piece of shit. Infamous? Amazing. Gears of War? Piece of shit. Metal Gear Solid 4? Amazing. And you wanna talk future exclusives? Well, let's see, we have Halo 49357205720: PeePee Vagina over in this corner, and Final Fantasy XIII Versus in this corner. Gee, I wonder what wins there?

While we're discussing games I feel I must bring up the subject of multi-platform games, because a lot of people claim they're the exact same on either console, which is a fucking lie. Bioshock? Added content on the PS3, better resolution. Eternal Sonata? Added content, better resolution. Prince of Persia? Better resolution. Star Ocean 4? Added content, fixed game mechanics, and most likely, you guessed it, better resolution. Oh, and let's not forget Batman: Arkham Asylum's Joker levels that are PS3 exclusives. So that right there is the multiplatform myth, DEBUNKED. God I'm so good at this.

At the end of the day I suppose it really does all come down to opinions, shitty little things though they are, but in all reality I believe there's enough evidence out there that proves the PS3 is superior. And with the new slim model being released for $299, you can no longer use price as a reason not to get one. So what the fuck are you still doing here? GO BUY A PS3.

There's a reason it's called a 3FixMe.

Follow Up on TTGL

I guess me ranting about TTGL didn't do anything to discourage people from watching it. That's fine. But just to be able to judge this series, I watched a few episodes of it, and Remy's quick capsule review..."Piece of shit". Yeah, yeah, end of the story, by the way. Don't get caught up into that fevered, high-pitched, phony fucking debate about this PIECE OF SHIT series. "Is it too over-the-top, what about the character development and awesome story and the hotness of Yoko?" ASASKHSAKJHKJ. You're just confused, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath, look at it again. "Oh, it's a piece of shit!" Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on television, "Satan's Shit". Piece of shit, walk away. "But what about the cleavage and the deep story line and the whole epic quest." SAJHDASHDKJASHKJHK. You're getting really baffled here. Piece of shit, now walk away. That's all it is, it's nothing more. Free yourself folks, if you see it, "Piece of shit", say it, and walk away. You're right. YOU'RE RIGHT. Not those fuckers who want to tell you how to think. YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT. I don't want to seem like Randy Pan the Goatboy but uhh... the only reason I bothered giving that piece of shit series a chance, were because of the boobs. If I were to rewrite TTGL, the only person complaining about it would be Kamina. "I swear I was awesome in that series! I swear I was!" Well, gee, Kamina, the episode started, Yoko fingered herself for about thirty minutes, and then the credits rolled. I don't remember seeing your scrawny ass, Kamina. But really folks, there is no reason for me to care about it. Follow these steps, and we can eradicate shitty anime from existence.

Why I Can Never Ever Take Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Seriously

Well, anime fans, pat yourselves on the back yet again. You've ruined ANOTHER anime for me. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is now on my list of anime I will never, ever watch. Oh, I'm sorry, you need proof that people are ruining it? Look no further then below this paragraph!



It all started a few months ago, when someone mentioned this anime to me called Gurren Lagann. I never bothered to look it up, but I took their word for it that it was good. I went onto OT, and I look around, and no topics, no nothing, and if there was, it was simply a topic discussing the show. No problem, right? Well, ever since two to three months ago, weeaboos found out how good the anime must be, and like the plague, they swooped in and claimed it for their own.

Now, I can't go anywhere without someone mentioned Gurren Lagann or how absolutely amazing it is. I go on OT, and half of the topics are about TTGL. And in every best character contest, I'm saying this literally, there were at no LESS than three or four characters from this anime in the top ten. How in the hell did it get so popular, and why? To figure this out, I went to Wikipedia to look at a plot summary.

"Gurren Lagann takes place in a fictional future in which human beings have been forced under Earth's surface and live in isolated subterranean civilizations. These "villages" have no contact with the surface world or other villages. Because frequent earthquakes damage infrastructure, the villages must constantly extend deeper into the earth—individuals relegated to this task are known as "diggers"."

"Jeeha Village is the home of Simon, a fourteen-year-old digger who was orphaned when his parents were killed in an earthquake. Although Simon is respected by the village elders as the best of the diggers, he is ostracized by his peers. Simon discovers a special drill key deep in the ground and is soon recruited by an eccentric fellow orphan named Kamina into his group the "Gurren Brigade". Kamina dreams of the surface world, which he once visited as a child, though he had to return home as he was too young to survive there."

Oh, gee willikers, another fucking overused plotline. "Orphans". When isn't the main goddamned character of an anime an orphan? Oh, and he's ostracized too? What the hell, is this the futuristic sequel to Naruto? Let's read on.

"After a failed attempt at reaching the surface, Kamina is jailed by the village elder. Simon resumes digging, only to discover "a big face" deep in his tunnel. As he excitedly fetches Kamina to show him the discovery, Simon is also caught by the village elder. Fortuitously, Kamina's punishment is interrupted by the collapse of the ceiling over Jeeha Village, as an enormous mecha falls into the cavern. A girl named Yoko appears and tries to repel the machine with a large rifle. Simon takes Kamina and Yoko to the "big face" he found earlier and discovers that the small drill key can be used to activate it. Named "Lagann", he uses it to destroy the invading mecha and effectively break through to the surface."

...Mechs. Mechs. You know, there are only four shows in existence that can get away with mechs. Gundam, Zoids, Gasaraki, and Full Metal Panic. And that's it. So just by reading the first two paragraphs, I can determine that this anime is a piece of shit. The simple equation for it seems to be Naruto + Gundam + Cleavage.

Weeaboos really ruin everything. If they aren't bitching about how everything affiliated with Japan is better than anything American (subbed anime over dubbed anime, etc), they go beyond their call of duty to hype shows up until no one wants to watch them and people get tired of hearing about them. It just drives me absolutely nuts. And of course, it didn't take cosplayers too long to catch on.



You can try to convince me that TTGL is worth watching, but you're just wasting your time, I will NEVER, EVER watch TTGL until the hype dies down. And that might be another ten years. And for you, fellow readers, as the great Bill Hicks said if you ever get into an argument "Say Piece of shit. And walk away."