Top Ten List of Modern Actors

We are moving away from rants for a little bit to post our personal list of favorite [insert topic here]. This week I'm going to list my top ten modern actors. Of course, this is all opinionated and feel free to leave comments and critique. The requirements for this list will be: 1) Had to have made at least three movies in the 1990s or 2000s with some box office success. 2) Must be younger than 50 years old. This list will be going bottom to top, so without further ado, here's number 10.

Number Ten: Shia LaBeouf
Best Movies: Transformers, Disturbia, Eagle Eye

I really wasn't sold on Shia LaBeouf, but Xyle swore to me he was a pretty good actor. After seeing Eagle Eye, I'm pretty convinced he deserves a spot on this list. You might know him from Even Stevens, but I personally remember him from the movie Holes, a good movie based on probably one of the first books I didn't absolutely hate. He's actually pretty good, and if you don't believe me, watch Eagle Eye. It has the Remy Seal of Approval, after all.


Number Nine: Tobey Maguire
Best Movies: The Spiderman Series, Seabiscuit

Wow. That was the first thought I had when watching the first Spider-Man movie. Not only did it have Willem DaFoe (an actor much too old to be on this list, but he kicked ass in Platoon and The Boondock Saints), it had a young actor who was probably unknown to many at the time by the name of Tobey Maguire. He probably wasn't the best actor for the role of Peter Parker, but he played the role well. Unfortunately for him, he will probably be typecasted for the rest of his life. Tobey deserves a spot on this list because Spider-Man was one of the few super hero movies to not suck this decade. And come on ladies, tell me you didn't think that upside-down kiss wasn't the hottest thing you had ever seen.

Number Eight: Johnny Depp
Best Movies: The Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeney Todd

Johnny Depp would have been higher on the list if Tim Burton fangirls weren't all over his nuts like a mother on menopause who can't get her chocolate fix. In great truth, Depp is a good actor. But ask anyone, and his role as Captain Jack Sparrow was just him being Keith Richards without the drugs, and his role in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory paled in comparison to the original done by Gene Wilder. Regardless, if anyone had a knack for playing any role created in the creepy mind of Tim Burton, it would be Depp. And that right there deserves props.

Number Seven: Mark Wahlberg
Best Movies: Invincible, The Departed, Shooter

Mark Wahlberg started his career as the rapper and namesake of the group "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch". I hated the Funky Bunch and Marky Mark as a musician, but when he moved onto acting, I began to respect the guy. Wahlberg is pretty versatile, even if Invincible didn't quite live up to the hype. Still, The Departed was a GREAT movie and I loved Shooter. Even the Max Payne movie about to come up looks pretty good. I expect more great things from Wahlberg in the future.

Number Six: Sean Penn
Best Movies: Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dead Man Walking, Sweet and Lowdown, I Am Sam

Sean Penn is another good actor, but he's not top five worthy. I like a lot of his movies, and he certainly deserves to be on this list. I just don't know, a lot of his movies are either really good, or just really bad. The ones I mentioned, especially Fast Times, are classics that I will make my kids watch. Because Lord knows, the stuff in the theater and on television nowadays just suck.

Number Five: Jack Black
Best Movies: Saving Silverman, School of Rock, Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

Jack Black is my favorite fat actor. All of his movies I mentioned are great comedies and certainly deserve a place in anyone's collection. School of Rock opened up many kids to the sounds of classic rock, while Saving Silverman proved that sometimes when your friend is with a bitch, it takes a bit of sweet revenge to get him back on the right track. Not only can Jack Black be crude and funny for us teenagers and adults, he can also be good with children, one of the rare people I have seen to pull it off. Hats off to J.B. for kicking ass.

Number Four: Ben Stiller
Best Movies: A Night at the Museum, There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, The Royal Tenenbaums

Ben Stiller is named by Maddox as one of the most funniest guys ever. And it's true, he has a pretty good track record of being in comedies. Stiller has always been a favorite of everyone who watches movies, even my grandmother likes him. There's Something About Mary always stuck in my mind as a kid, mainly because of the infamous "hair gel" scene. The "Meet The..." trilogy was also pretty good, too. Even if it did spawn a whole bunch of stupid parody movies. But if Ben Stiller is such a good actor, who could possibly top him? Well, onto number three.

Number Three: Luke Wilson
Best Movies: Bottle Rocket, Bongwater, The Royal Tenenbaums, Old School, My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Luke Wilson is my favorite member of the Frat Pack. Not only is he just as funny as Ben Stiller, he has the look of someone who just wants to kick your ass. While most of the actors on this list do comedy films, I have never laughed harder than any of the films I've seen him play in. Old School is my all-time favorite college movie ever, and Wilson fit the part of the lead character perfectly. Also, you might remember him playing the role of Casey Kelso on That '70s Show, arguably my favorite television show of all-time (Along with House, M.D. and Dirty Sexy Money). This concludes the comedic actors, as the top two actors are certainly deserving of their spots.

Number Two: Nicolas Cage
Best Movies: Leaving Las Vegas, Face/Off, City of Angels, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Family Man, Honeymoon in Vegas, National Treasure 1+2, Ghost Rider

Nicolas Cage is number two on this list. He beat out all the actors except for the top one, which might seem a little controversial when you read who it is. Cage has quite the resume, not only did he star in great movies, as you can see, every movie he has starred in has been different. Although he mainly does action movies, he did do some drama (City of Angels, Leaving Las Vegas), and some comedies (The Family Man, Honeymoon in Vegas), along the rest of his action type movies. Like Tobey Maguire, he too has starred in a pretty good superhero movie (Ghost Rider, don't listen to Rotten Tomatoes, whose highest ranked movie is Toy Story 2), but unlike Maguire, he will never be typecasted. Nicolas Cage, in my opinion, could have been the best actor of this generation, had it not been for...

Number One: Tom Cruise
Best Movies: Risky Business, Top Gun, Born on the Fourth of July, A Few Good Men, The Mission Impossible series, Jerry Maguire, The Last Samurai, Collateral, War of the Worlds

Tom Cruise is the number one actor on this list. He's also the second oldest, after Johnny Depp. But why is Tom Cruise number one? The man can do it all, comedy, drama, action, sci-fi, you name it, he can PERFECT it. His religion aside, Tom Cruise is, as stated by Economist Edward Jay Epstein, "Cruise is one of the few producers (the others being George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Jerry Bruckheimer) who are able to guarantee the success of a billion-dollar movie franchise. Cruise is also one of the few actors on this list to make a splash impact in THREE decades ('80s, '90s, and '00s). He has quite the resume, and the acting skills to back it up. Whether he will be reknowned as famous or reviled in infamy, no one has had such an effect on modern movies as Cruise has. Period.

That's all for the top ten actors, but I'll list the few who just barely missed it:

Topher Grace
Will Ferrell
John Travolta (Too old, by four years)
Adam Sandler
Steve Carell
Owen Wilson
Vince Vaughn

Sorry for the inactivity.

*Xyle*

Sorry for the inactivity the past however long it's been. I've been too busy to post a rant and Remy was waiting on me so as to not throw off our nice rhythm we have going on. I'm not in a particularly ranty mood today, though, so instead I'll give you an update on our game projects.

As Remy may have mentioned somewhere earlier, Epic is being put on the back burner while I revive two of my older projects, remakes of Dragon Warrior 1 and 2. So far, I'm working on the maps, then I'll start working on all the enemies. No estimated release date yet, however.

Again, I apologize again for the lack of posts and hope that soon I'll get back into the habit of ranting daily.

Shut the Hell Up, You're Not Cool or Unique For Listening to Bands That Aren't Mainstream

I'm tired of people who claim they are better for listening to bands that are "underground" or "indie". There is nothing remotely better about an indie band than something mainstream. I'm not saying indie bands suck, I like a few of them like Neutral Milk Hotel, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, The Decemberists and Elf Power, but those are pretty common known non-mainstream bands. These type of people just come off as elitists dicks (or cunts, because I know a few women who think they are "awesome" for listening to underground stuff) by flaunting around their "excessive" knowledge of good music.

Let's face it, every band goes mainstream some day. A few good modern examples are Modest Mouse and The Arcade Fire. All the grunge acts of the '90s weren't signed to mainstream stuff either. I guess most of my rage comes from this girl back in my AP European History class. She critcized me for wearing a Beatles hoodie (arguably the best and most influential band ever). When I asked her what she listened to, she told me about all the "underground metal" she listened to, like Shadows Falls. Excuse me, SHADOWS FALLS ISN'T FUCKING UNDERGROUND, THEY'RE ABOUT AS UNDERGROUND AS IRON MAIDEN YOU SKANK. Okay, rage over. There was also this slut who went by the name Maria Dill. For one, she thought she was so cool for beating Guitar Hero...on medium. I can beat Medium on Guitar Hero by playing the damned guitar behind my back. Two, she asked my friend Ed on how to be more "scene" and "underground". God I hate this bitch, and any one else like her. For all the "indie" people, listen to this band, it might help:

http://www.thefalloftroy.com

Remy out, I'ma listen to some music without some stupid label thrown on it.

If women were more like men, the world would be a better place.

Over the past couple of days, I've realized something--Women suck. And not in that good way that you want them to again and again.

Now, hear me out on this. They like to fuck around with your head--they're not satisfied unless your life is miserable, because it justifies their own pathetic existence. They've realized that when we're miserable about something, we'll come to them to talk about it, and we're usually too stupid to realize that they're the source of all the misery to begin with. For example, Remy has a friend who was pretty down on his luck, so this other dude's sister offers to let him stay with her. Now, that's nice and everything, but after a while of the guy sleeping on her couch, she decides to approach him and asks if he wants to sleep in the same bed as her.

Ok, let's take a break here and assess the situation. THIS IS A FUCKING HINT. Any guy would hear that and think, "score!" This means you're getting some. There's no other translation for that. So the dude starts sleeping in her bed. Now, a few times he felt uncomfortable with it and tried to sleep on the couch, and the woman refuses and tells him to stay in her bed. Ok, let's take another break here--in 'Guy' that translates to 'I want your penis.' So after a few nights of sleeping with her like this, he finally works up the courage to try and kiss her. What does the bitch do? She shoves him away and says "Don't kiss me! I'm not interested in you like that!" ... Whaaat? Bullshit, you told the guy to fucking sleep in your bed! The poor guy goes and puts 2 and 2 together, and she expects him to get 3? What a bitch. So the dude moves out.

In my own experience, I hate it when women say "there's no way this could work." Bullshit. I was willing to do everything to make it work. What this translates to is "I'm not willing to put the effort into this to make it work." Then why did you lead me along for all this time, if you were so dead set on it not working? Here's a hint: if you're not expecting it to work, it won't fucking work. But please, take full blame for it yourself instead of coming up with bullshit excuses. It's your fault we broke up, not mine.

I was dating this one girl...well, we weren't technically "dating" but it was heavily implied. I liked her a lot, potentially even loved her. Guess I'll never know. I was willing to whatever I could to make it work. I gave up so much of the things I loved, just to make her happy. But all that changed when she decided she found someone else. So she pretty much told me we were over, and that she liked this other guy better. A few weeks pass, and she decides she doesn't like him because he "fell right into her lap." Well, shit, you only fucking MADE OUT WITH HIM. Then she has the balls to tell me about it, like I'm going to be sympathetic or some shit! Fuck that. What, a few weeks pass and magically all my wounds are healed? Christ, I can't understand women sometimes.

Women should be more like men, because it would be easier instead of them playing head games, to just say "You're hot, let's fuck."

Decaf Tea Blows

Decaf tea is horrible. Now mind you, I'm sitting here drinking some ACTUAL Oolong Tea that doesn't suck. The only reason to drink tea is to get that caffeine rush, and because it does in fact taste a bit better than coffee. In fact, the only reason I think coffee was invented was because people ran out of tea and they really wanted to stay up later and smoke more cigarettes (probably R.J. Reynolds because we know he made the best cigarettes). You can really taste the lack of caffeine in your tea, as if you were just making sweet, sweet love to a girl and you could totally tell she faked her orgasm. Like you had given her all she could handle, and the best she could do is fake it for you. But I guess it's just a fact of life that some things just suck.



^Like God (Or Satan/Buddha/L. Ron Hubbard/Confucius) intended.

Stop sucking that strap-on and put it in your pussy already!

How come all the porno girls INSIST on sucking the goddamned strap-on for like, 10 fucking minutes?! What, it's gonna magically cum like a real penis if you suck it long enough?? Fuck that! I want to see it in your pussy, not your mouth! If I wanted to see you suck something, I would have typed in 'blowjob'. Lesbians shouldn't suck anything besides clits and tits. Hell, I doubt half those girls are lesbians anyway, given how much they love sucking penis shaped objects. Are they trying to send the message that sucking something prosthetic is better than a real penis??

Stop sucking it and put it in your pussy, bitch.

Square-Enix: Please go back to Old School RPGS. KKTHX.

Am I the only one who hates Square-Enix? Time and time again, I'm forced to play shitty game after shitty game (with the exception of Kingdom Hearts II and Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core), and sit back and wonder where the times have gone. You know, back when Enix was Enix and Square was Squaresoft. I guess this just shows how bad the industry has gotten, with only memories of my childhood for these two great companies.

I never played much Dragon Warrior, but I did love Dragon Warrior Monsters. And for Squaresoft, there was the Final Fantasy series, Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana and I guess Parasite Eve. But now it's like the only thing left I have of them are, well...memories. My first RPG was FF7, and I loved it to death. I still have my copy of it on the Playstation. My cartridge of DWM is sitting with my other Game Boy games. It seems that this merger has done more bad then good.




^Square-Enix's last main character. What a fag.

Final Fantasy XII brought a new sense of suckitude to the series. After Final Fantasy X-2, NOTHING could get worse, right? WRONG. It did get worse. At least FFX-2 had a familiar battle system, FFXII had a shitty one. It felt like I was playing .hack, which isn't a bad thing, but that's not Final Fantasy. Vaan was a poor excuse for a main character. Penelo was annoying. The only saving grace the game had was Balthier and Fran. I <3 Fran. So much, I would jam unnamed items in certain orifices of her body. Anyways... the game would have been much better with Buckethead as the main character. If you don't know who Buckethead is, here's a picture.



^Buckethead in all his glory.

Buckethead wouldn't take any shit from Penelo like Vaan would have, which probably would have made it a better game. Regardless, it was a piss poor effort by Square. While there have been some great games, like Kingdom Hearts II and Crisis Core, those alone can't save Square. I just hope Final Fantasy XIII blows the balls off of people, because damn, Square hasn't made a great RPG since FFIX. They are even getting which handheld to release games for wrong too. Why would you release Chrono Trigger on the DS?! I would much rather play an updated Chrono Trigger with better graphics on my PSP. Gah, I hate this.

Enix isn't off the hook either. Enix's crowning acheivement is Star Ocean 2. Perhaps the most underrated and best RPG on the Playstation. I logged so many hours into it, it was unreal. Star Ocean: Until the End of Time sucked, but at least they are putting both Star Oceans on the PSP. Yay for us. Maybe one day...just one day, we will see a game worthy of the labels for both Square and Enix. A man can dream, can't he?