Lesbians are the bane of existence and only want to steal your girlfriend.

Lesbians are the reason 95% of all relationships fail. While I grab my flame shield before all the pro-gay/pro-lesbian people get on my ass, I do have valid reasons for why they suck. While lesbians are hot, that really is their only talent. For porn. That's it, end of fucking story. I am convinced that their mission on this earth is to STEAL every man's girl for their secret lesbian agenda. I have seen more relationships fail because the girl decided that being with her perfectly fine man isn't good enough.

See, it always starts like this. First, the lesbian asks the guy's girlfriend if they can go somewhere for dinner. The girlfriend assures the guy that it's just something friendly. And that's the problem, nothing is ever friendly. When the girl comes back, she doesn't mention what happened. Later on, you see the girlfriend and the lesbian hugging, holding hands, but once again, assuring the guy that it's "friendly". Next comes the "friendly" kissing, and the "friendly" I love yous, and then the "friendly" going over the lesbian's house to spend the night.

After *all* that is done, normally on a day after the girl tells you she's not going to dump the poor guy, it happens. Guy gets a phone call, or a text message, or an IM, and then "the talk" happens. You know, the one that always starts with "We need to talk." And this happens, ALL. THE. TIME. Lesbians claim they don't do this on purpose, but we all know the lying rugmunchers are well...lying.

First off, they ALWAYS go for girls that are with boyfriends. See: every single lesbian porn video ever. Why can't they go for another girl? People always tell you there are other fish in the sea, but lesbians are INTENT on taking your goldfish. God forbid them to go after a tuna. Two, they know what girls want because they are girls. Because guys cannot understand the the female mind, they take advantage of this. This comes in handy during, once again, sex, to the point that guy becomes so inadequate, that he can't get the girl off. And finally, the lesbian has a more likable personality than the guy. What girl is going to want to be with someone that likes sports, video games, and nudity when she can have someone who likes make-up, chick flicks and going to the mall? So as you can see, the guy is at SUCH a disadvantage, he can't win. So what're you going to do about it?

I've devised this plan, just like the government in the Netherlands does for crack/heroin addicts. Set up a small area for the drug users, give them drugs, but they can't do anything except shoot up heroin. And that's where lesbians need to go. A place where they can only be with lesbians, preferably the fat ones, and that's all they can do. And if a girl is bisexual leaning MORE to the girl side, they have to go there too. That's completely fair, and if you disagree, you're clearly fascist. Or, if that's unfair, what about the rule that Mafia has in place? You get with a girl or guy who is taken, and you get MURDERED. I've eliminated the entire problem of cheating right there.

In short, folks, just say no to lesbianism.

Shut the Hell Up, You're Not Cool or Unique For Listening to Bands That Aren't Mainstream

I'm tired of people who claim they are better for listening to bands that are "underground" or "indie". There is nothing remotely better about an indie band than something mainstream. I'm not saying indie bands suck, I like a few of them like Neutral Milk Hotel, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, The Decemberists and Elf Power, but those are pretty common known non-mainstream bands. These type of people just come off as elitists dicks (or cunts, because I know a few women who think they are "awesome" for listening to underground stuff) by flaunting around their "excessive" knowledge of good music.

Let's face it, every band goes mainstream some day. A few good modern examples are Modest Mouse and The Arcade Fire. All the grunge acts of the '90s weren't signed to mainstream stuff either. I guess most of my rage comes from this girl back in my AP European History class. She critcized me for wearing a Beatles hoodie (arguably the best and most influential band ever). When I asked her what she listened to, she told me about all the "underground metal" she listened to, like Shadows Falls. Excuse me, SHADOWS FALLS ISN'T FUCKING UNDERGROUND, THEY'RE ABOUT AS UNDERGROUND AS IRON MAIDEN YOU SKANK. Okay, rage over. There was also this slut who went by the name Maria Dill. For one, she thought she was so cool for beating Guitar Hero...on medium. I can beat Medium on Guitar Hero by playing the damned guitar behind my back. Two, she asked my friend Ed on how to be more "scene" and "underground". God I hate this bitch, and any one else like her. For all the "indie" people, listen to this band, it might help:

http://www.thefalloftroy.com

Remy out, I'ma listen to some music without some stupid label thrown on it.