If women were more like men, the world would be a better place.

Over the past couple of days, I've realized something--Women suck. And not in that good way that you want them to again and again.

Now, hear me out on this. They like to fuck around with your head--they're not satisfied unless your life is miserable, because it justifies their own pathetic existence. They've realized that when we're miserable about something, we'll come to them to talk about it, and we're usually too stupid to realize that they're the source of all the misery to begin with. For example, Remy has a friend who was pretty down on his luck, so this other dude's sister offers to let him stay with her. Now, that's nice and everything, but after a while of the guy sleeping on her couch, she decides to approach him and asks if he wants to sleep in the same bed as her.

Ok, let's take a break here and assess the situation. THIS IS A FUCKING HINT. Any guy would hear that and think, "score!" This means you're getting some. There's no other translation for that. So the dude starts sleeping in her bed. Now, a few times he felt uncomfortable with it and tried to sleep on the couch, and the woman refuses and tells him to stay in her bed. Ok, let's take another break here--in 'Guy' that translates to 'I want your penis.' So after a few nights of sleeping with her like this, he finally works up the courage to try and kiss her. What does the bitch do? She shoves him away and says "Don't kiss me! I'm not interested in you like that!" ... Whaaat? Bullshit, you told the guy to fucking sleep in your bed! The poor guy goes and puts 2 and 2 together, and she expects him to get 3? What a bitch. So the dude moves out.

In my own experience, I hate it when women say "there's no way this could work." Bullshit. I was willing to do everything to make it work. What this translates to is "I'm not willing to put the effort into this to make it work." Then why did you lead me along for all this time, if you were so dead set on it not working? Here's a hint: if you're not expecting it to work, it won't fucking work. But please, take full blame for it yourself instead of coming up with bullshit excuses. It's your fault we broke up, not mine.

I was dating this one girl...well, we weren't technically "dating" but it was heavily implied. I liked her a lot, potentially even loved her. Guess I'll never know. I was willing to whatever I could to make it work. I gave up so much of the things I loved, just to make her happy. But all that changed when she decided she found someone else. So she pretty much told me we were over, and that she liked this other guy better. A few weeks pass, and she decides she doesn't like him because he "fell right into her lap." Well, shit, you only fucking MADE OUT WITH HIM. Then she has the balls to tell me about it, like I'm going to be sympathetic or some shit! Fuck that. What, a few weeks pass and magically all my wounds are healed? Christ, I can't understand women sometimes.

Women should be more like men, because it would be easier instead of them playing head games, to just say "You're hot, let's fuck."

Sonic the Hedgehog has sucked balls since Sonic CD, and dipshits at Sega are too stupid to notice.

**This rant has been brought to you by Xyle**



Why, Sega? WHY?! What the hell have you done to Sonic??

I grew up with Sonic. When I was a kid, I thought he was BAD ASS. I adored him. I watched his cartoon show every Saturday morning (which is probably why it got the nickname SatAM from its fans, who obviously did the same). I played all his games. Then Sega decides to take a gargantuan shit on the franchise.

Now, don't get me wrong. Sonic games are still fun (Except Sonic 2006 on the PS3/3FixMe. That bug-ridden piece of shit) but they just lack a certain SOMETHING that the series hasn't seen since Sonic CD. Part of what made Sonic so cool and badass in the first place just simply disappeared. Well, I want to know what happened. If Sonic is so special to get his own dev team (SonicTeam), then why has the series continued to epically suck? The even bigger question is why do people still buy this shit, even when it fails this hard? Sega needs to get their asses in gear unless they want people to give up on the Blue Blur forever, and I just so happen to have some ideas.

1. Enough with this "Adventure" bullshit. Sonic games are supposed to be fast-paced and about speed, not thinking. Do away with the Adventure zones, and just have Stages.
2. Enough with playing as other characters! Why would I want to play as Knuckles and go on a treasure hunt? Focus the game ENTIRELY around Sonic. The only other character that needs to be controlled AT ALL is player 2 being able to use Tails, and even then that's more of a gimmick than an actual gameplay element.
3. No more "real world" bullshit. The game needs to take place on Morpheus, and ONLY Morpheus.
4. Dr. Eggman? What the FUCK?? His name is ROBOTNIK, dipshits!
5. Please, for Christ's sake, let the director of SatAM do the third season and finish the story! The guy already has it all planned out, he just needs the go-ahead from you morons. What do you have to lose? The franchise has gone to shit anyway, might as well let it have one final chance to NOT SUCK.

^A black hedgehog, and a white hedgehog? That won't be seen as racist at all! And the black one holding a gun? NAW! It's pure genious!

Sega, I'm sick of your bullshit. I'm sick of you guys ruining my childhood hero. Hell, I'm sick of you guys ruining one of gaming's icons. Either get your asses in gear and get some competent (read: not shitty) people to work on Sonic, or retire him for good. I'd rather see him burn out than fade away.


In memory of better days.

Cosplayers are the Anti-Christ to Anime Fans

**This rant brought to you by Remy**





^Douche

Now, I have nothing against anime fans. In fact, I'm an anime fan myself, albeit a bit more casual. But let's get real, cosplay is just stupid and wrong. Cosplayers to anime is like Trekies to Star Trek. Now, don't get me wrong, I like anime. But I don't cosplay. Why would I want to? I don't even dress up for Halloween, I just put on a mask and go around with a knife scaring little kids.

This rant ties to an experience I just saw this weekend at Suncoast. Here I am, in the store with my friend browsing the collection of anime and hentai DVDs, and these cosplayers were being loud and obnoxious talking about Bleach and Naruto. My friend walks up to the very bad looking Inuyasha cosplayer (Because let's face it, only fucking ugly people cosplay), and he says "Who are you supposed to be, Sesshoumaru?". The cosplayer must have been offended, because he went batshit on my friend. "NO I'M INUYASHA! CAN'T YOU TELL?!". My friend simply responded with "Well, they look so alike, and I mean, you were turned around." So they continued about the anime they see on Cartoon Network, and because I'm the asshole I am, I ask "So, have you guys seen Mobile Suit Gundam?." Another cosplayer says "No way! We only like Gundam Wing and Gundam SEED." I just shrugged it off, they were only proving my earlier point. So my friend and I go to buy our things, and this lady and her husband walk into the store. They see the cosplayers acting like idiots and she says to him "They better not be back there trying to run the store." At this point, my friend and I left and went to Taco Bell for lunch.

A few days later, we went back to Suncoast and brought up the cosplayers to the manager, a pretty cool dude named Jackson. He agreed, calling them idiots and cosplay retarded. But only when we talked to Cesar (pronounced SAY-zar), did we find someone who felt the need to defend them. Infact, he went as far to pull sports into the argument. He was telling me how a sports fan can dress up and support their team, why can't an anime fan cosplay? Well, I argued with this counter-point. When a sports fan dresses up crazy for a football game, it's to be expected. He loves his team. But out in public, he's normal. He might wear a jersey, sure, but it's just a sports shirt. Infact, even when he dresses for the game, he doesn't go out to malls dressed up like that. But cosplayers cosplay at malls, and almost every where. Not just anime conventions. It's stupid. I also brought up how when white people dance to hip hop, they tend to look out of place compared to someone black. Or when white people wear their hats to the side. It's a black cultural thing, and no one else should be doing it, because then they look stupid. It's the same thing with cosplay. Only asians should do it. PERIOD.

Cesar seemed to angry because I had "played the race card". He said "Well you're discrminating against cosplayers like the white people did to Rosa Parks on the bus." How in the hell are those two situations similar? I guess maybe in some aspects, but he compared me to a KKK member. For what? Discriminating against my own race? God, I hate it when people defend cosplay.



^Is there anything wrong there?

No, there isn't. People just need to shut up and leave the cosplaying to asians.

Megadeth > Metallica

**This rant has been brought to you by Remy**

In light of Metallica's new album, Death Magnetic, it reminded me of an age-old argument that has been around in metal circles for a long time. While some sites like http://www.allmusic.com might have given Death Magnetic rave reviews, it is public opinion(and more importantly, mine) that Metallica still hasn't changed much. You'd think after SEVENTEEN years since their last okay album they would have figured out that their fans want some thrash metal, not nu-metal. Of course, Death Magnetic was a huge improvement over St. Anger, but even then, that's not saying much. At least Megadeth has never failed me or their fans.

Yeah, I said it. Megadeth is better than Metallica. Megadeth, have not only released MORE albums than Metallica despite forming later, Mustaine and crew have only failed once, and that's only because Lars Ulrich tried to coerce Mustaine into taking a "Risk". Metallica screwed up years ago by firing Mustaine. Mustaine isn't just a better guitar player than Kirk Hammett, but he can also sing, write songs, and play solos with effects other than the wah-wah pedal. Hammett doesn't even write his own solos, Ulrich and Hetfield do. Metallica has just fallen downhill since ...And Justice, and it's rather sad. But, if Hetfield and/or Ulrich is reading this, I can guarantee I have the solution to make Metallica the great band it once was.

Step One: Fire Kirk, Re-hire Dave. Easy step, and it's quite the upgrade. They gain a back-up singer and someone who can actually solo.

Step Two: Fire Robert Trujillo, hire Fieldy from KoRn. Again, Rob sucks, Fieldy would be better. How the FUCK did you guys pass up on Les Claypool when he auditioned?!

Step Three: Fire Lars Ulrich, hire anybody with the talent of Dave Grohl or better. And since the only person with talent less than Dave Grohl is Ulrich himself, they can get anybody. But since Slipknot is breaking up, how about you grab Joey Jordison?



^Yes, those ARE the drums Ulrich used on St. Anger.

Unfortunately, we are only left to hope and pray for something like that happen. But in the meantime, Dave can get RAGED over Death Magnetic and inspire himself to create something much better, like he always does.



*throws ninja smoke bomb*