Sonic the Hedgehog has sucked balls since Sonic CD, and dipshits at Sega are too stupid to notice.

**This rant has been brought to you by Xyle**



Why, Sega? WHY?! What the hell have you done to Sonic??

I grew up with Sonic. When I was a kid, I thought he was BAD ASS. I adored him. I watched his cartoon show every Saturday morning (which is probably why it got the nickname SatAM from its fans, who obviously did the same). I played all his games. Then Sega decides to take a gargantuan shit on the franchise.

Now, don't get me wrong. Sonic games are still fun (Except Sonic 2006 on the PS3/3FixMe. That bug-ridden piece of shit) but they just lack a certain SOMETHING that the series hasn't seen since Sonic CD. Part of what made Sonic so cool and badass in the first place just simply disappeared. Well, I want to know what happened. If Sonic is so special to get his own dev team (SonicTeam), then why has the series continued to epically suck? The even bigger question is why do people still buy this shit, even when it fails this hard? Sega needs to get their asses in gear unless they want people to give up on the Blue Blur forever, and I just so happen to have some ideas.

1. Enough with this "Adventure" bullshit. Sonic games are supposed to be fast-paced and about speed, not thinking. Do away with the Adventure zones, and just have Stages.
2. Enough with playing as other characters! Why would I want to play as Knuckles and go on a treasure hunt? Focus the game ENTIRELY around Sonic. The only other character that needs to be controlled AT ALL is player 2 being able to use Tails, and even then that's more of a gimmick than an actual gameplay element.
3. No more "real world" bullshit. The game needs to take place on Morpheus, and ONLY Morpheus.
4. Dr. Eggman? What the FUCK?? His name is ROBOTNIK, dipshits!
5. Please, for Christ's sake, let the director of SatAM do the third season and finish the story! The guy already has it all planned out, he just needs the go-ahead from you morons. What do you have to lose? The franchise has gone to shit anyway, might as well let it have one final chance to NOT SUCK.

^A black hedgehog, and a white hedgehog? That won't be seen as racist at all! And the black one holding a gun? NAW! It's pure genious!

Sega, I'm sick of your bullshit. I'm sick of you guys ruining my childhood hero. Hell, I'm sick of you guys ruining one of gaming's icons. Either get your asses in gear and get some competent (read: not shitty) people to work on Sonic, or retire him for good. I'd rather see him burn out than fade away.


In memory of better days.