The PS3 is better than the 3FixMe and the Nintendo Pee. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Well, you all already know how I feel about the Wii, so I thought maybe I ought to give the 360 it's chance so I can then bash it and tell you all why the PS3 is infinitely superior in every single fucking aspect. I guess the first thing I should tackle would be the fail rate. And for those of you who don't click that, there's a beautiful image on that page that I'm going to post here. Redundant? Maybe. Awesome? Hellz yes.



But seriously. The Xbox 3FixMe has a 54.2% fail rate. FIFTY FOUR POINT FUCKING TWO. That's just unacceptable. PIECE OF SHIT. Or as Remy would say, PIECE OF GURREN LAGANN. This game console is the result of Microsoft's gargantuan shit that wouldn't flush down the toilet, so they decided to market it instead. "But wait, Xyle," you may say. "What about SONY'S piece of shit? It's only fair if you talk about THEIR shit as well!" Very well, Clyde, I shall. The PS3 has a LESS THAN ONE PERCENT FAIL RATE. Despite what the BBC may claim, I've yet to hear of really any problems with the PS3, and the few I have heard were resolved by Sony in a timely manner. However, everyone I know with a 3FixMe has had problems with it. One of my friends at college is on his third one. What happened to the other two? RRoD, what else?

But allow me to get back on topic. The controllers. The 360 has the most god-awful controller I think I've ever had the displeasure of holding, aside from maybe the Virtual Boy, but let's just consider that the excpetion that proves the rule. PIECE OF SHIT. However, Sony decided to do things the right way and adopted an approach of "if it ain't broke, DON'T FUCKING FIX IT." The PS3 controller is superior in every way, shape, and form to the 360's except in maybe one regard: first person shooters. But really, if you bought a 360 for first person shooters, you're a moron, because computer's have this nifty thing called a MOUSE that's also superior to the shitty 360 controller. As a matter of fact I have yet to see one exclusive 360 game that either hasn't been ported to the computer or isn't going to be ported to the computer eventually. Which also brings me to my third point...

EXCLUSIVES. One can no longer refer to the exclusive argument when referring to the 360 being better than the PS3 because, frankly, it isn't true anymore. Halo 3? Piece of shit. Infamous? Amazing. Gears of War? Piece of shit. Metal Gear Solid 4? Amazing. And you wanna talk future exclusives? Well, let's see, we have Halo 49357205720: PeePee Vagina over in this corner, and Final Fantasy XIII Versus in this corner. Gee, I wonder what wins there?

While we're discussing games I feel I must bring up the subject of multi-platform games, because a lot of people claim they're the exact same on either console, which is a fucking lie. Bioshock? Added content on the PS3, better resolution. Eternal Sonata? Added content, better resolution. Prince of Persia? Better resolution. Star Ocean 4? Added content, fixed game mechanics, and most likely, you guessed it, better resolution. Oh, and let's not forget Batman: Arkham Asylum's Joker levels that are PS3 exclusives. So that right there is the multiplatform myth, DEBUNKED. God I'm so good at this.

At the end of the day I suppose it really does all come down to opinions, shitty little things though they are, but in all reality I believe there's enough evidence out there that proves the PS3 is superior. And with the new slim model being released for $299, you can no longer use price as a reason not to get one. So what the fuck are you still doing here? GO BUY A PS3.

There's a reason it's called a 3FixMe.

Follow Up on TTGL

I guess me ranting about TTGL didn't do anything to discourage people from watching it. That's fine. But just to be able to judge this series, I watched a few episodes of it, and Remy's quick capsule review..."Piece of shit". Yeah, yeah, end of the story, by the way. Don't get caught up into that fevered, high-pitched, phony fucking debate about this PIECE OF SHIT series. "Is it too over-the-top, what about the character development and awesome story and the hotness of Yoko?" ASASKHSAKJHKJ. You're just confused, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath, look at it again. "Oh, it's a piece of shit!" Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on television, "Satan's Shit". Piece of shit, walk away. "But what about the cleavage and the deep story line and the whole epic quest." SAJHDASHDKJASHKJHK. You're getting really baffled here. Piece of shit, now walk away. That's all it is, it's nothing more. Free yourself folks, if you see it, "Piece of shit", say it, and walk away. You're right. YOU'RE RIGHT. Not those fuckers who want to tell you how to think. YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT. I don't want to seem like Randy Pan the Goatboy but uhh... the only reason I bothered giving that piece of shit series a chance, were because of the boobs. If I were to rewrite TTGL, the only person complaining about it would be Kamina. "I swear I was awesome in that series! I swear I was!" Well, gee, Kamina, the episode started, Yoko fingered herself for about thirty minutes, and then the credits rolled. I don't remember seeing your scrawny ass, Kamina. But really folks, there is no reason for me to care about it. Follow these steps, and we can eradicate shitty anime from existence.

Why I Can Never Ever Take Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Seriously

Well, anime fans, pat yourselves on the back yet again. You've ruined ANOTHER anime for me. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is now on my list of anime I will never, ever watch. Oh, I'm sorry, you need proof that people are ruining it? Look no further then below this paragraph!



It all started a few months ago, when someone mentioned this anime to me called Gurren Lagann. I never bothered to look it up, but I took their word for it that it was good. I went onto OT, and I look around, and no topics, no nothing, and if there was, it was simply a topic discussing the show. No problem, right? Well, ever since two to three months ago, weeaboos found out how good the anime must be, and like the plague, they swooped in and claimed it for their own.

Now, I can't go anywhere without someone mentioned Gurren Lagann or how absolutely amazing it is. I go on OT, and half of the topics are about TTGL. And in every best character contest, I'm saying this literally, there were at no LESS than three or four characters from this anime in the top ten. How in the hell did it get so popular, and why? To figure this out, I went to Wikipedia to look at a plot summary.

"Gurren Lagann takes place in a fictional future in which human beings have been forced under Earth's surface and live in isolated subterranean civilizations. These "villages" have no contact with the surface world or other villages. Because frequent earthquakes damage infrastructure, the villages must constantly extend deeper into the earth—individuals relegated to this task are known as "diggers"."

"Jeeha Village is the home of Simon, a fourteen-year-old digger who was orphaned when his parents were killed in an earthquake. Although Simon is respected by the village elders as the best of the diggers, he is ostracized by his peers. Simon discovers a special drill key deep in the ground and is soon recruited by an eccentric fellow orphan named Kamina into his group the "Gurren Brigade". Kamina dreams of the surface world, which he once visited as a child, though he had to return home as he was too young to survive there."

Oh, gee willikers, another fucking overused plotline. "Orphans". When isn't the main goddamned character of an anime an orphan? Oh, and he's ostracized too? What the hell, is this the futuristic sequel to Naruto? Let's read on.

"After a failed attempt at reaching the surface, Kamina is jailed by the village elder. Simon resumes digging, only to discover "a big face" deep in his tunnel. As he excitedly fetches Kamina to show him the discovery, Simon is also caught by the village elder. Fortuitously, Kamina's punishment is interrupted by the collapse of the ceiling over Jeeha Village, as an enormous mecha falls into the cavern. A girl named Yoko appears and tries to repel the machine with a large rifle. Simon takes Kamina and Yoko to the "big face" he found earlier and discovers that the small drill key can be used to activate it. Named "Lagann", he uses it to destroy the invading mecha and effectively break through to the surface."

...Mechs. Mechs. You know, there are only four shows in existence that can get away with mechs. Gundam, Zoids, Gasaraki, and Full Metal Panic. And that's it. So just by reading the first two paragraphs, I can determine that this anime is a piece of shit. The simple equation for it seems to be Naruto + Gundam + Cleavage.

Weeaboos really ruin everything. If they aren't bitching about how everything affiliated with Japan is better than anything American (subbed anime over dubbed anime, etc), they go beyond their call of duty to hype shows up until no one wants to watch them and people get tired of hearing about them. It just drives me absolutely nuts. And of course, it didn't take cosplayers too long to catch on.



You can try to convince me that TTGL is worth watching, but you're just wasting your time, I will NEVER, EVER watch TTGL until the hype dies down. And that might be another ten years. And for you, fellow readers, as the great Bill Hicks said if you ever get into an argument "Say Piece of shit. And walk away."

Thank You Nintendo

This doesn't come very often, but I would like to thank Nintendo. Why? Because after a long, long wait, we are finally get remakes to Pokemon Gold and Silver, the best Pokemon games there ever could be. So thank you Nintendo, for the only good thing you've done in recent memory!

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

You know, I must admit, it's pretty sad that I have to rant about this at all. Not that because Michael Jackson died, because that's what is tragic here, but the sheer amount of backlash this caused. When Farrah died yesterday, I didn't see anybody make backhanded comments about her, and she was a druggie. Fuck Farrah, unless you were born in the seventies, you're not going to remember her.

Okay, so let me explain protocol here for the ignorant bastards who think it's funny to make child molester jokes a mere couple hours (or as of the current time, almost a day) after his death. I realize this is the internet, and everyone can be "cool" by going against popular opinion, but I don't remember this kind of crap being said when the Virginia Tech Massacre happened. Instead, the country gathered together in order to honor the dead. Even CJayC/Sailor Bacon on GameFAQs said "Remember, death in any circumstance is not funny."

Which is what bothers me. A guy, as eccentric in his later years as he was, died at the age of fifty. That's tragic just even then. Hardly anyone dies at fifty nowadays. As a kid, he was beaten mercilessly by his dick of a father. I'm not making excuses for the guy, but I do remember reading in psychology that things done to you during your childhood can lead to something when you're an adult. Now, regardless if he did what he did or not, we have to trust the law. Yeah, and I know what you detractors are saying "WELL OJ". OJ is fucking different, OJ's victims were dead, and Johnnie Cochran was a good lawyer, even if he did play the race card quite a bit. They had two chances to nab MJ, and both times they failed. Why? Because they found out the plantiff's were clearly lying. On top of having NO evidence, and that's easy to get with the technology nowadays, there's no excuse for these jokes to be made AT ALL. By verdict, we are to presume that Jackson was innocent.

But we can't do that, not even for a week. Fox News seemed to get their jollies by playing that clip of Jackson saying "It's not wrong to have children in your bed". They attacked him, the only news network TO attack him. And that's pathetic and really shows you how low their fucking program network is. To keep throwing this in his face is like when you die, and instead of people trying to remember the good times they had with you, instead they bring up the worst thing you ever done, like, oh, say, throwing a brick at someone and putting that person in the hospital. Only they keep bringing it up to the point that that's ALL they talk about and public consensus is that you're a monster. And honestly, I hope that happens to the people making those jokes now, because karma is a bitch.

So how about for at least a week, we remember what MJ did for all of us. Maybe it's a certain song or album, or how he danced, or how he got girls within fifty feet of him to scream for no reason. Not that bad, but what he did good for us. For me, it's the song Man in the Mirror. And if there is nothing good for you to remember about him, please, out of respect for his children and family, keep it to yourself and off Youtube/GameFAQs/Twitter/MSN/Facebook/MySpace/Etc.

RIP MJ, true legends never die.

lol Sony

The PSPgo is the lamest piece of shit I think I've ever seen, and the baffling thing is that Sony thinks gamers will actually spend their money on it! By doing away with the UMD drive and going download-only, this means that you'll no longer have physical copies of your games. Whose idea was this? I guarantee that almost NO ONE is going to be okay with that. Sony used to actually listen to their fan-base and try to please them, but lately it seems like it's always been "SONY SONY SONY SONY" instead. They claim they're doing it to conquer pirating, but seriously, Sony, let's be real here. About 5% of PSP owners have CFW, and of that 5% only about 10% pirate games. YOU'RE NOT LOSING THAT MUCH, DIPSHITS. And of that 10% who pirate, how many of them will go out and buy the game because they liked it? And for that matter, how many of your games are actually WORTH pirating? There's really no way to find out, but you know how many will buy games that come with no physical copy? Somewhere around zero, I'd imagine. Sony, you guys need to get your heads out of your asses. This is your FOURTH PSP. NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH THE FIRST THREE. Hell, nothing was wrong with the first TWO, for that matter. Sony used to be worth something, but now they're just a big joke.

lol Sony

Okay, I have a Bone to Pick....

For this rant, a lyrical allusion is in order.

"And if the people stare, then the people state. Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care!" - The Smiths, Hand in Glove

Seriously, what THE FUCK, RJ Reynolds, what the FUCK have you done to Camel Lights!? It all started with the package change, and it didn't bother me so much, neither did the filter having become way more thicker and become like the first time you had a McFlurry and you realized the giant straw looking thing was a spoon. But they didn't stop there, they had to change the flavor. No long is it smooth and mellow, like it advertises, and no longer are they a pleasure to burn. Not anymore, they're shitty.

Seriously, Camels used to be the shit, especially Camel Lights, and all of a sudden, they've become, to quote Jon McEnroe, "The absolute pits of the world". Why did they have to fall from grace? I know Obama is in office, but that doesn't give you the right to change everything, you FUCKS. I don't know what to do now, because Camel Lights were the perfect balance between flavor and harshness, smooth, yet they had the roughness of a regular strength cigarette. They were easy on the head, and it was just a real pleasure to light one up. God, RJ Reynolds has sold out, and I honestly thought they never would. This is a sad day for us all.



^When Camel Lights were the best cigarette in the world.