The PS3 is better than the 3FixMe and the Nintendo Pee. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Well, you all already know how I feel about the Wii, so I thought maybe I ought to give the 360 it's chance so I can then bash it and tell you all why the PS3 is infinitely superior in every single fucking aspect. I guess the first thing I should tackle would be the fail rate. And for those of you who don't click that, there's a beautiful image on that page that I'm going to post here. Redundant? Maybe. Awesome? Hellz yes.



But seriously. The Xbox 3FixMe has a 54.2% fail rate. FIFTY FOUR POINT FUCKING TWO. That's just unacceptable. PIECE OF SHIT. Or as Remy would say, PIECE OF GURREN LAGANN. This game console is the result of Microsoft's gargantuan shit that wouldn't flush down the toilet, so they decided to market it instead. "But wait, Xyle," you may say. "What about SONY'S piece of shit? It's only fair if you talk about THEIR shit as well!" Very well, Clyde, I shall. The PS3 has a LESS THAN ONE PERCENT FAIL RATE. Despite what the BBC may claim, I've yet to hear of really any problems with the PS3, and the few I have heard were resolved by Sony in a timely manner. However, everyone I know with a 3FixMe has had problems with it. One of my friends at college is on his third one. What happened to the other two? RRoD, what else?

But allow me to get back on topic. The controllers. The 360 has the most god-awful controller I think I've ever had the displeasure of holding, aside from maybe the Virtual Boy, but let's just consider that the excpetion that proves the rule. PIECE OF SHIT. However, Sony decided to do things the right way and adopted an approach of "if it ain't broke, DON'T FUCKING FIX IT." The PS3 controller is superior in every way, shape, and form to the 360's except in maybe one regard: first person shooters. But really, if you bought a 360 for first person shooters, you're a moron, because computer's have this nifty thing called a MOUSE that's also superior to the shitty 360 controller. As a matter of fact I have yet to see one exclusive 360 game that either hasn't been ported to the computer or isn't going to be ported to the computer eventually. Which also brings me to my third point...

EXCLUSIVES. One can no longer refer to the exclusive argument when referring to the 360 being better than the PS3 because, frankly, it isn't true anymore. Halo 3? Piece of shit. Infamous? Amazing. Gears of War? Piece of shit. Metal Gear Solid 4? Amazing. And you wanna talk future exclusives? Well, let's see, we have Halo 49357205720: PeePee Vagina over in this corner, and Final Fantasy XIII Versus in this corner. Gee, I wonder what wins there?

While we're discussing games I feel I must bring up the subject of multi-platform games, because a lot of people claim they're the exact same on either console, which is a fucking lie. Bioshock? Added content on the PS3, better resolution. Eternal Sonata? Added content, better resolution. Prince of Persia? Better resolution. Star Ocean 4? Added content, fixed game mechanics, and most likely, you guessed it, better resolution. Oh, and let's not forget Batman: Arkham Asylum's Joker levels that are PS3 exclusives. So that right there is the multiplatform myth, DEBUNKED. God I'm so good at this.

At the end of the day I suppose it really does all come down to opinions, shitty little things though they are, but in all reality I believe there's enough evidence out there that proves the PS3 is superior. And with the new slim model being released for $299, you can no longer use price as a reason not to get one. So what the fuck are you still doing here? GO BUY A PS3.

There's a reason it's called a 3FixMe.

NintenDON'T

**This rant has been brought to you by Xyle**

Nintendo's continued success with their new wave of casual crap just continues to astound and amuse me. Here we are, at the pinnacle of console gaming, with games that blur the line between video game and reality, and not only do people think about taking Nintendo seriously, but they actually PURCHASE their shit! Yeah, you heard me. THE WII SUCKS. Not only does it suck, but it's continued success is sending a negative message to game developers. Hey, not only can you spend less money by making a graphically inferior game, you can make MORE money by adding in some unnecessary motion sensor controls and slapping the label "CASUAL" on it! Oh my GOD. Are they serious? Do we REALLY want developers thinking that we actually WANT this "casual" bullshit?? Eventually what's going to happen is developers are going to start taking well-loved "hardcore" franchises and open them up to this "casual" gaming phenominon, and we're just going to see gaming as a whole suffer in the long run! Can you imagine a "CASUAL" Final Fantasy, or a "CASUAL" Legend of Zelda?! Fuck no! I refuse to buy in to this bullshit. I'm a GAMER. I play REAL GAMES. For longer than 10 minute intervals! I don't want shitty motion sensor controllers that have fucking LAG as you wave them all over the place, I want a motherfucking DualShock 3! Even MICROSOFT is going in more of a right direction than Nintendo, and they have a fucking 40% chance fail rate! No. No, I REFUSE to buy into the hype. I REFUSE to support Nintendo.

"Oh, but Nintendo is encouraging old-school gaming with the Virtual Console!" Umm, no? Emulation has been around for years, and last I checked, that's FREE. Not to mention, when you buy a game off the VC, you aren't actually purchasing. No, you're purchasing the right to an indefinite LEASE to play the game. Yeah, you heard that right: "Buying" games off the VC is basically the same as "RENTING" a game indefinitely for a small fee. And with emulators, you can use graphic filters and save states! Gee, it's so hard to pick which one I'd rather have! No, Nintendo's just milking another trend with their VC, much like they are with the Wii's main catalogue.

"Well the controller is revolutionary!" Oh, really? I thought it was about as revolutionary as the Power Glove, and we all saw how well THAT did. Who's idea was this piece of shit? Am I the only one who's noticed that all the best games on the Wii, are the ones that use the motion sensor controls to a MINIMUM?? Not to mention you look like a fucking ass waving it around all over the place! No thanks, I'll stick to REAL controllers and play REAL video games on REAL gaming consoles.

The Wii isn't a gaming console. It's a fucking TOY.