What the Hell is Wrong With Football?: The WTF 2008 Season of both Professional and College Football

This year has just been a down year for football in general. I know many of our readers probably don't give a flying fuck about sports, but this is a rant I just have to cover. Normally it is just one or the other that has itself messed up, but this year it's just bad on both ends. Now, without further ado, here are my points.

1) The National Football League referees flat out SUCK.



There are many blown calls by the refs every year, but this year is certainly a year to remember. It all started with the muffed call in week 1 against the Chargers when the infamous tuck rule reared it's ugly head, giving the Denver Broncos a win in a call that decided the outcome of the game. Now remember, I can only talk about blown calls I could actually see myself, so I only have a few.

- Earlier this year, the Baltimore Ravens hosted the Tennessee Titans in a battle of great defenses. The Ravens were winning in the fourth quarter, and the Titans needed a TD to win. On third down, Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs sacked Tennessee quarterback Kerry Collins, in what would have been the turning point in an already great game. Instead, the refs flagged Suggs for roughing the passer when his hand barely touched Collins' helmet. The Titans would later win the game with Collins throwing a TD pass.

- In Week 15 of the NFL season, the Baltimore Ravens once again hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers in a rematch of a monday night loss to Pittsburgh at Heinz Field after the Steelers came from behind in the second half. Many analysts predicted that the outcome would be different when the Steelers would have to travel to M&T Bank Stadium in Maryland for the rematch. A blown call earlier in the game gave Pittsburgh a field goal, when their running back attempted to run for the first down. The officials ruled the result a first down, when the runner was clearly pushed back way before the first down marker. Ravens coach John Harbaugh challenged the call, but to no avail, the play stood as called. Overlooking this, the Ravens coasted into half time with a 9-6 lead over their arch-rival. And the Ravens defense held up...until the last two minutes of the game. Rex Ryan was stupid and kept calling a prevent defense, but Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger found his receivers wide open in the middle of the field. The Steelers went from their own ten yard line to the Ravens six. With 43 seconds remaining, Roethlisberger threw a pass to Santonio Holmes, who caught the ball in the endzone. The only problem was, the ball never crossed the plane of the endzone. The official rulings state: "A touchdown is scored when the ball crosses the plane of the goal line". The refs original ruling was "The ball did not cross the plane of the goal line, the ball will be spotted at the one yard line". The refs reviewed the play, and ruled that Holmes caught the ball and progressed it into the end zone with NO conclusive evidence. It was a bad call, and the only people willing to defend it are Steelers homers who will sit here and defend Bill Cowher and their rigged Super Bowl XL win. Regardless, good ole Bawlmer dropped to 9-5, giving the Shittsburgh Squeelers the AFC North title.

But besides the bad calls, the refs have gotten overly vindictive about protecting the quarterback, to the point the rule should just be that the defense should touch the QB with two hands to bring him down.

2) I'm tired of hearing University of Texas fans complain how they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field and they deserve to be in the National Title game against Florida.

For you to understand how this works, the National Championship Game takes place between the top two teams in the BCS Poll every year. Earlier this year, Texas was ranked #1. Texas lost to Texas Tech, who jumped a then-undefeated Penn State to become #2, with Alabama taking the number one spot. A few weeks later, Oklahoma crushed Texas Tech and became #2. According to Big XII rules, a tiebreaker is resolved to whoever is higher in the BCS rankings. Texas fans felt that since they beat Oklahoma though, they deserved to play Missouri for the Big XII championship game. Alright, fair enough, but don't you DARE say you won at a "neutral site". Because you didn't. For those who didn't know, the game between OU and UT took place here:



See that dot labeled "Dallas"? Yeah, that was the neutral site. Real fucking neutral, just because it was played away from the University of Texas' home stadium doesn't exactly make the field neutral. But then again, the people arguing this are from *Texas*, so I guess you can't expect them to argue competently. Oklahoma crushed Missouri, and now they will play Florida for the National Championship. Even though Oklahoma is a good team, I have one more gripe...

3) Oklahoma ran up the score in their last five games, and their average quarterback won the Heisman.



In the above picture is a douchebag named Sam Bradford, who plays for the very overrated Oklahoma Sooners football team. Before you ask, I am a Penn State fan, and any fan of a team not named USC, Ohio State, Michigan, Florida State, Notre Dame, or any Big XII or SEC school knows how this works. Unless your school was just named, you have no chance of getting to the National Championship unless you go undefeated and blow out every opponent by twenty or more points. This is how the very bias BCS system works.

The Heisman trophy is given out to the best football player in college. Normally, this a quarterback or a running back who, throughout the season, did everything necessary to help their team win. The finalists this year were all quarterbacks, Colt McCoy of Texas, Tim Tebow of Florida, and Sam Bradford of Oklahoma. The real Heisman winner, Michael Crabtree, a WR from Texas Tech, wasn't even invited. Bradford had the numbers, McCoy had the completion percentage, and Tebow had the come from behind victories and was vowing to win another Heisman, to become only the second player in history to win two Heisman awards. In a rigged ceremony, Bradford won the award to become the second sophomore to win the Heisman, after Mr. Tebow himself. So why am I complaining? Bradford only put up those numbers after running up the score on weaker teams. This was the same reason why Colt Brennan of Hawaii didn't win the Heisman last year, despite having better numbers than Bradford.

Oklahoma ran up the score in multiple games towards the end of the season in an effort to earn votes from Coaches and Harris poll voters so they could jump a team they lost to in the BCS standings. In successive games against Nebraska, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, and Oklahoma State, they scored 62, 66, 65, and 61 points despite having 30 point leads in all but the Oklahoma State game. In their game against Oklahoma State, their starting quarterback, Sam Bradford, was left in all game despite an injury to his hand and a 20 point margin of victory. Well gee, no wonder he threw for 48 touchdowns! On top of it...

In the Big XII conference title game, they continued to run up the score against an ineffective Missouri Tigers defense. They scored 21 points in the fourth quarter despite a 41-14 lead going in to the quarter. What a fucking dick move. I hate Bob Stoops and Oklahoma, I really do. Joe Paterno has never ran the score up on anyone, except for ONE time against the Pittsburgh Panthers, which is fair considering they are an instate rival. But he never did it again. Bradford got the Heisman because he played against weaker teams, and ran up the score well after the game was in hand. All this shows is that the Heisman Committee awards players who resort to tasteless tactics. When Oklahoma loses the title game, I hope Bradford tears an ACL.

See? This year football is really dragging me down, but I guess this is an upside compared to how my Orioles do every year.

The 12 Rules of a Remy/Xyle Christmas

To get into this Christmas Spirit, I've come up with a list of rules to follow for your Christmas to be just like the way Xyle and I would celebrate it. I.E, the right way.

House Rule #1) The only Christmas music allowed is Trans-Siberian Orchestra. NO Exceptions.

House Rule #2) Pie is the official dessert of choice. It must be an awesome pie, like Blueberry or the Remy-family favorite, Graham Cracker pie.

House Rule #3) No Christmas cartoon movies. They are stupid as crap. Unfortunately, this includes The Year Without A Santa Clause, for which we will give a special pardon to. You MAY watch that one ONCE.

House Rule #4) Throughout the entire month, only cigarettes brands made by the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company may be smoked. To be quite honest, this rule should be allowed all year, it's that important. When cigarettes made my R.J Reynolds cannot be obtained, please smoke a complementary Black & Mild.

House Rule #5) No articles of clothing are to be given as gifts, unless specifically asked for or it is an awesome hoodie.

House Rule #6) Setting up mistletoe is a nice way to kiss the girl (or guy, if you're a female reader) of your fantasies without seeming like a total puss.

House Rule #7) The official beer of the month of December is the Samuel Adams Winter Lager. This is the only other month besides November in which this seasonal beer can be purchased in. Make good use of it.

House Rule #8) As a man, it's mandatory to watch the football game on Christmas Day. If it is a blowout or the Detroit Lions are playing, you may turn it off.

House Rule #9) Smoke a bowl. 'Nuff said.

House Rule #10) The gift of Custom Firmware is a great gift for those who own PSPs. Spread the wealth, and may you rejoice in everlasting happiness as we dance on Nintendo's balls!

House Rule #11) Egg Nog is a must. If you don't like Egg Nog, too bad. If you're a health nut, get Diet Egg Nog. There is no exception for you to not have Egg Nog. Remember, Vodka + Egg Nog go hand in hand.

House Rule #12) Don't be fake happy. I hate that because it's the holidays, everyone puts on that happy smile and acts like everything is okay when it could very well not be. Don't be one of those people.

And remember, enjoy every sandwich.

Fraudian theory exposed! LOL TITANS!

If any of our readers follow football, you'll know the Titans are having one helluva season that they shouldn't be having. Besides getting the luckiest win of the season (Against my team, the Baltimore Ravens, with the most bullshit roughing the passer call ever), they seem to get lucky every game. I guess sometimes it's better to be lucky than good, but they had this loss coming for a long time. And for that, I would like to... LOL TITANS!

Fraud team, with a fraud quarterback. It took an old, washed up Brett Favre to put the dagger into the Titans back. Good, I don't care what else the Titans do this season. I can't stand to see a team go undefeated. Thank you Favre. Thank. You. Favre. Now all the Titans bandwagoners are gonna jump ship like the Patriots bandwagoners did at the beginning of the season. LOL TITANS. EL. OH FUCKING EL.



Brett Favre, You Can Do Magic

I'm sick of being called a "Bandwagon Noob" when I've lived in Tennessee for 11 fucking years. THE TITANS ARE DOING GOOD, GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

I got called a "bandwagon noob" by some idiot today for stating that I'm a fan of the Tennessee Titans. Never mind the fact that I've lived in Tennessee for almost my whole life, the team is doing good this year therefore everyone who likes them has all of a sudden jumped onto the Titans bandwagon! After stating this to said dickhead and calling him a dumbass for making such a lame assumption, he proceeded to tell me that yes, indeed, I AM a bandwagon noob because I've obviously been a Colts fan for the past 7 years! Uhh, what the hell? I'd like to point out that while football has never really mattered to me until the past year and a half or so, I've been a Titans fan since they've come to Tennessee. Yeah, chew on that, shitheads. Not everyone who likes the Titans is on a bandwagon.

THE TITANS ARE DOING GOOD FOR ONCE. GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND GO WHINE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MATTERS. Dicks.

Smoking > Alcohol

**Remy would like to thank a few people for making this rant possible. First and foremost, the hot chick from Russia who is letting him use her laptop for this. Second, my cousin for giving me the money to purchase a DVD who inspired this rant. And lastly, Bill Hicks, whose comedy routine will be used in this rant.**

I'm tired of non-smokers coming up to me and coughing whenever I decide to smoke a cigarette. Honestly, are they some fucking sadists? Do they walk up to crippled people and dance too? That is just one question I'd like to know, that and what do atheists yell when they climax. (Oh fate and chance? Oh chemical reaction? Oh big bang?). Non-smokers walk around with a strut, like a self-righteous time bomb waiting to explode. They also have this strange eternal life theory. But I have a notion to end all notions. Non-smokers die. Everyday. There you have it. When I die, I will be going to Sharper Image. Iron Lungs, Oxygen Tanks, yeah, I get all the cool stuff.

But guess what, I can NEVER kill anyone while driving and smoking. But you CAN kill someone by drinking and driving. My point being, there are better drugs and better drugs for you than alcohol. In fact, if I had the choice to legalize a drug, it would not be alcohol. Sorry, nope. No way. I'd rather legalize pot. I know what you're thinking, "But Remy, alcohol is a safe drug, the government allows it...". Yeah, because it's taxed you moron! The government wants you to buy the taxed drugs to pay them. Regardless, let's look at this in a positive way. If you believe drugs have done nothing positive for us, grab all your CDs, mp3s, tapes, and records, and burn them, because the people were high when they made those songs. If they weren't, then the band is probably shitty like The New Kids on the Block.

Now, you're at a concert, and someone is being violent and aggressive. Are they more likely to be drunk or high? If you guessed drunk, you're correct. Not only would I make pot legal, I would make it mandatory. Just think, no more jerks honking their horn at you in traffic. They'd take a drag, then say something like "Oh, oops, sorry, I was taking life seriously for a second." Hey, I guess I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one.

Top Ten List of Modern Actors

We are moving away from rants for a little bit to post our personal list of favorite [insert topic here]. This week I'm going to list my top ten modern actors. Of course, this is all opinionated and feel free to leave comments and critique. The requirements for this list will be: 1) Had to have made at least three movies in the 1990s or 2000s with some box office success. 2) Must be younger than 50 years old. This list will be going bottom to top, so without further ado, here's number 10.

Number Ten: Shia LaBeouf
Best Movies: Transformers, Disturbia, Eagle Eye

I really wasn't sold on Shia LaBeouf, but Xyle swore to me he was a pretty good actor. After seeing Eagle Eye, I'm pretty convinced he deserves a spot on this list. You might know him from Even Stevens, but I personally remember him from the movie Holes, a good movie based on probably one of the first books I didn't absolutely hate. He's actually pretty good, and if you don't believe me, watch Eagle Eye. It has the Remy Seal of Approval, after all.


Number Nine: Tobey Maguire
Best Movies: The Spiderman Series, Seabiscuit

Wow. That was the first thought I had when watching the first Spider-Man movie. Not only did it have Willem DaFoe (an actor much too old to be on this list, but he kicked ass in Platoon and The Boondock Saints), it had a young actor who was probably unknown to many at the time by the name of Tobey Maguire. He probably wasn't the best actor for the role of Peter Parker, but he played the role well. Unfortunately for him, he will probably be typecasted for the rest of his life. Tobey deserves a spot on this list because Spider-Man was one of the few super hero movies to not suck this decade. And come on ladies, tell me you didn't think that upside-down kiss wasn't the hottest thing you had ever seen.

Number Eight: Johnny Depp
Best Movies: The Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeney Todd

Johnny Depp would have been higher on the list if Tim Burton fangirls weren't all over his nuts like a mother on menopause who can't get her chocolate fix. In great truth, Depp is a good actor. But ask anyone, and his role as Captain Jack Sparrow was just him being Keith Richards without the drugs, and his role in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory paled in comparison to the original done by Gene Wilder. Regardless, if anyone had a knack for playing any role created in the creepy mind of Tim Burton, it would be Depp. And that right there deserves props.

Number Seven: Mark Wahlberg
Best Movies: Invincible, The Departed, Shooter

Mark Wahlberg started his career as the rapper and namesake of the group "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch". I hated the Funky Bunch and Marky Mark as a musician, but when he moved onto acting, I began to respect the guy. Wahlberg is pretty versatile, even if Invincible didn't quite live up to the hype. Still, The Departed was a GREAT movie and I loved Shooter. Even the Max Payne movie about to come up looks pretty good. I expect more great things from Wahlberg in the future.

Number Six: Sean Penn
Best Movies: Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dead Man Walking, Sweet and Lowdown, I Am Sam

Sean Penn is another good actor, but he's not top five worthy. I like a lot of his movies, and he certainly deserves to be on this list. I just don't know, a lot of his movies are either really good, or just really bad. The ones I mentioned, especially Fast Times, are classics that I will make my kids watch. Because Lord knows, the stuff in the theater and on television nowadays just suck.

Number Five: Jack Black
Best Movies: Saving Silverman, School of Rock, Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

Jack Black is my favorite fat actor. All of his movies I mentioned are great comedies and certainly deserve a place in anyone's collection. School of Rock opened up many kids to the sounds of classic rock, while Saving Silverman proved that sometimes when your friend is with a bitch, it takes a bit of sweet revenge to get him back on the right track. Not only can Jack Black be crude and funny for us teenagers and adults, he can also be good with children, one of the rare people I have seen to pull it off. Hats off to J.B. for kicking ass.

Number Four: Ben Stiller
Best Movies: A Night at the Museum, There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, The Royal Tenenbaums

Ben Stiller is named by Maddox as one of the most funniest guys ever. And it's true, he has a pretty good track record of being in comedies. Stiller has always been a favorite of everyone who watches movies, even my grandmother likes him. There's Something About Mary always stuck in my mind as a kid, mainly because of the infamous "hair gel" scene. The "Meet The..." trilogy was also pretty good, too. Even if it did spawn a whole bunch of stupid parody movies. But if Ben Stiller is such a good actor, who could possibly top him? Well, onto number three.

Number Three: Luke Wilson
Best Movies: Bottle Rocket, Bongwater, The Royal Tenenbaums, Old School, My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Luke Wilson is my favorite member of the Frat Pack. Not only is he just as funny as Ben Stiller, he has the look of someone who just wants to kick your ass. While most of the actors on this list do comedy films, I have never laughed harder than any of the films I've seen him play in. Old School is my all-time favorite college movie ever, and Wilson fit the part of the lead character perfectly. Also, you might remember him playing the role of Casey Kelso on That '70s Show, arguably my favorite television show of all-time (Along with House, M.D. and Dirty Sexy Money). This concludes the comedic actors, as the top two actors are certainly deserving of their spots.

Number Two: Nicolas Cage
Best Movies: Leaving Las Vegas, Face/Off, City of Angels, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Family Man, Honeymoon in Vegas, National Treasure 1+2, Ghost Rider

Nicolas Cage is number two on this list. He beat out all the actors except for the top one, which might seem a little controversial when you read who it is. Cage has quite the resume, not only did he star in great movies, as you can see, every movie he has starred in has been different. Although he mainly does action movies, he did do some drama (City of Angels, Leaving Las Vegas), and some comedies (The Family Man, Honeymoon in Vegas), along the rest of his action type movies. Like Tobey Maguire, he too has starred in a pretty good superhero movie (Ghost Rider, don't listen to Rotten Tomatoes, whose highest ranked movie is Toy Story 2), but unlike Maguire, he will never be typecasted. Nicolas Cage, in my opinion, could have been the best actor of this generation, had it not been for...

Number One: Tom Cruise
Best Movies: Risky Business, Top Gun, Born on the Fourth of July, A Few Good Men, The Mission Impossible series, Jerry Maguire, The Last Samurai, Collateral, War of the Worlds

Tom Cruise is the number one actor on this list. He's also the second oldest, after Johnny Depp. But why is Tom Cruise number one? The man can do it all, comedy, drama, action, sci-fi, you name it, he can PERFECT it. His religion aside, Tom Cruise is, as stated by Economist Edward Jay Epstein, "Cruise is one of the few producers (the others being George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Jerry Bruckheimer) who are able to guarantee the success of a billion-dollar movie franchise. Cruise is also one of the few actors on this list to make a splash impact in THREE decades ('80s, '90s, and '00s). He has quite the resume, and the acting skills to back it up. Whether he will be reknowned as famous or reviled in infamy, no one has had such an effect on modern movies as Cruise has. Period.

That's all for the top ten actors, but I'll list the few who just barely missed it:

Topher Grace
Will Ferrell
John Travolta (Too old, by four years)
Adam Sandler
Steve Carell
Owen Wilson
Vince Vaughn

Sorry for the inactivity.

*Xyle*

Sorry for the inactivity the past however long it's been. I've been too busy to post a rant and Remy was waiting on me so as to not throw off our nice rhythm we have going on. I'm not in a particularly ranty mood today, though, so instead I'll give you an update on our game projects.

As Remy may have mentioned somewhere earlier, Epic is being put on the back burner while I revive two of my older projects, remakes of Dragon Warrior 1 and 2. So far, I'm working on the maps, then I'll start working on all the enemies. No estimated release date yet, however.

Again, I apologize again for the lack of posts and hope that soon I'll get back into the habit of ranting daily.