12 More Rules for Christmas

Hey all, it's that time again. You know, with the misletoe and every thing. Presents and all, there are some things to get really excited for. World peace, snuggling the last piece of the blueberry pie, the whole she-bang. But if anyone remembers our rules from last year, I've got a continuation for you all.

1) Don't believe fucking Kays/Jared/InsertJewelryStoreHere. Cheap is the way to go. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, so save your wallet the trouble and get something thoughtful rather than expensive for your significant other. If you don't have a significant other, pour out some of your drink to bless those homies who do. Because we all know what happens if they fuck up on Christmas.

2) Ham is a must. Christmas without ham is like sex with your grandmother. Bland, lifeless, and frankly, shouldn't be happening.

3) Stock up on Egg Nog. Enough said.

4) For every time you pass a Christmas cartoon on the television for something else, have a drink. If you willing sit through one, drink TWO.

5) Thoughtful cards fucking blow. Funny cards only.

6) This year's Christmas Beer is Rolling Rock. Cheap and tastes good.

7) It's mandatory to have an inflatable snowman on your front lawn.

8) The only candy canes worth buying are the sweet ones.

9) Ask for Borderlands. Yes, it delivers.

10) Have sex on Christmas Eve. Who cares if you have kids.

11) For the children, make sure to tell them that Santa Claus isn't real.

12) WOO YANKEES CHAMPIONSHIP. Suck it haters.

And as always, this song is *still* the best Christmas song.

The 12 Rules of a Remy/Xyle Christmas

To get into this Christmas Spirit, I've come up with a list of rules to follow for your Christmas to be just like the way Xyle and I would celebrate it. I.E, the right way.

House Rule #1) The only Christmas music allowed is Trans-Siberian Orchestra. NO Exceptions.

House Rule #2) Pie is the official dessert of choice. It must be an awesome pie, like Blueberry or the Remy-family favorite, Graham Cracker pie.

House Rule #3) No Christmas cartoon movies. They are stupid as crap. Unfortunately, this includes The Year Without A Santa Clause, for which we will give a special pardon to. You MAY watch that one ONCE.

House Rule #4) Throughout the entire month, only cigarettes brands made by the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company may be smoked. To be quite honest, this rule should be allowed all year, it's that important. When cigarettes made my R.J Reynolds cannot be obtained, please smoke a complementary Black & Mild.

House Rule #5) No articles of clothing are to be given as gifts, unless specifically asked for or it is an awesome hoodie.

House Rule #6) Setting up mistletoe is a nice way to kiss the girl (or guy, if you're a female reader) of your fantasies without seeming like a total puss.

House Rule #7) The official beer of the month of December is the Samuel Adams Winter Lager. This is the only other month besides November in which this seasonal beer can be purchased in. Make good use of it.

House Rule #8) As a man, it's mandatory to watch the football game on Christmas Day. If it is a blowout or the Detroit Lions are playing, you may turn it off.

House Rule #9) Smoke a bowl. 'Nuff said.

House Rule #10) The gift of Custom Firmware is a great gift for those who own PSPs. Spread the wealth, and may you rejoice in everlasting happiness as we dance on Nintendo's balls!

House Rule #11) Egg Nog is a must. If you don't like Egg Nog, too bad. If you're a health nut, get Diet Egg Nog. There is no exception for you to not have Egg Nog. Remember, Vodka + Egg Nog go hand in hand.

House Rule #12) Don't be fake happy. I hate that because it's the holidays, everyone puts on that happy smile and acts like everything is okay when it could very well not be. Don't be one of those people.

And remember, enjoy every sandwich.