R.I.P. Michael Jackson

You know, I must admit, it's pretty sad that I have to rant about this at all. Not that because Michael Jackson died, because that's what is tragic here, but the sheer amount of backlash this caused. When Farrah died yesterday, I didn't see anybody make backhanded comments about her, and she was a druggie. Fuck Farrah, unless you were born in the seventies, you're not going to remember her.

Okay, so let me explain protocol here for the ignorant bastards who think it's funny to make child molester jokes a mere couple hours (or as of the current time, almost a day) after his death. I realize this is the internet, and everyone can be "cool" by going against popular opinion, but I don't remember this kind of crap being said when the Virginia Tech Massacre happened. Instead, the country gathered together in order to honor the dead. Even CJayC/Sailor Bacon on GameFAQs said "Remember, death in any circumstance is not funny."

Which is what bothers me. A guy, as eccentric in his later years as he was, died at the age of fifty. That's tragic just even then. Hardly anyone dies at fifty nowadays. As a kid, he was beaten mercilessly by his dick of a father. I'm not making excuses for the guy, but I do remember reading in psychology that things done to you during your childhood can lead to something when you're an adult. Now, regardless if he did what he did or not, we have to trust the law. Yeah, and I know what you detractors are saying "WELL OJ". OJ is fucking different, OJ's victims were dead, and Johnnie Cochran was a good lawyer, even if he did play the race card quite a bit. They had two chances to nab MJ, and both times they failed. Why? Because they found out the plantiff's were clearly lying. On top of having NO evidence, and that's easy to get with the technology nowadays, there's no excuse for these jokes to be made AT ALL. By verdict, we are to presume that Jackson was innocent.

But we can't do that, not even for a week. Fox News seemed to get their jollies by playing that clip of Jackson saying "It's not wrong to have children in your bed". They attacked him, the only news network TO attack him. And that's pathetic and really shows you how low their fucking program network is. To keep throwing this in his face is like when you die, and instead of people trying to remember the good times they had with you, instead they bring up the worst thing you ever done, like, oh, say, throwing a brick at someone and putting that person in the hospital. Only they keep bringing it up to the point that that's ALL they talk about and public consensus is that you're a monster. And honestly, I hope that happens to the people making those jokes now, because karma is a bitch.

So how about for at least a week, we remember what MJ did for all of us. Maybe it's a certain song or album, or how he danced, or how he got girls within fifty feet of him to scream for no reason. Not that bad, but what he did good for us. For me, it's the song Man in the Mirror. And if there is nothing good for you to remember about him, please, out of respect for his children and family, keep it to yourself and off Youtube/GameFAQs/Twitter/MSN/Facebook/MySpace/Etc.

RIP MJ, true legends never die.

lol Sony

The PSPgo is the lamest piece of shit I think I've ever seen, and the baffling thing is that Sony thinks gamers will actually spend their money on it! By doing away with the UMD drive and going download-only, this means that you'll no longer have physical copies of your games. Whose idea was this? I guarantee that almost NO ONE is going to be okay with that. Sony used to actually listen to their fan-base and try to please them, but lately it seems like it's always been "SONY SONY SONY SONY" instead. They claim they're doing it to conquer pirating, but seriously, Sony, let's be real here. About 5% of PSP owners have CFW, and of that 5% only about 10% pirate games. YOU'RE NOT LOSING THAT MUCH, DIPSHITS. And of that 10% who pirate, how many of them will go out and buy the game because they liked it? And for that matter, how many of your games are actually WORTH pirating? There's really no way to find out, but you know how many will buy games that come with no physical copy? Somewhere around zero, I'd imagine. Sony, you guys need to get your heads out of your asses. This is your FOURTH PSP. NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH THE FIRST THREE. Hell, nothing was wrong with the first TWO, for that matter. Sony used to be worth something, but now they're just a big joke.

lol Sony

Okay, I have a Bone to Pick....

For this rant, a lyrical allusion is in order.

"And if the people stare, then the people state. Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care!" - The Smiths, Hand in Glove

Seriously, what THE FUCK, RJ Reynolds, what the FUCK have you done to Camel Lights!? It all started with the package change, and it didn't bother me so much, neither did the filter having become way more thicker and become like the first time you had a McFlurry and you realized the giant straw looking thing was a spoon. But they didn't stop there, they had to change the flavor. No long is it smooth and mellow, like it advertises, and no longer are they a pleasure to burn. Not anymore, they're shitty.

Seriously, Camels used to be the shit, especially Camel Lights, and all of a sudden, they've become, to quote Jon McEnroe, "The absolute pits of the world". Why did they have to fall from grace? I know Obama is in office, but that doesn't give you the right to change everything, you FUCKS. I don't know what to do now, because Camel Lights were the perfect balance between flavor and harshness, smooth, yet they had the roughness of a regular strength cigarette. They were easy on the head, and it was just a real pleasure to light one up. God, RJ Reynolds has sold out, and I honestly thought they never would. This is a sad day for us all.



^When Camel Lights were the best cigarette in the world.

The Best Web Comics You've Never Read

*This important message is brought to you by Remy, with a new avatar! Compliments go to Steph White, my heroine and quite frankly thankly, without whom I would be left without someone to talk to at noon during breaks*


Here at Project Epic, we advocate creativeness and artsmanship of the highest quality, whether it be music, books, anime, television, or games. Today I'm going to take a little time away from our usual rantings to talk about the best web comics you've never read.

On Your Feet and Poor Little Runia. Yes, I know there are plenty of other well known web comics, such as MegaTokyo and 8-Bit Theater, but I think when something is done during free time, it becomes less of an obsession and more of a fun thing to do. While I do not doubt the light-heartedness conveyed in both OYF and PLR, you do things for friends because you want to see them succeed. But don't think of this as just a favor, because these comics are really top-notch.

OYF spawned as a punk rock comic (as evidenced by the punk rock look of the characters) that was a bunch of one-panels to create a story. However, it became more than that. I rather find the art style positively unique, and that is, in a good way. While the characters have no huge back story, they portray quite a realistic view of the world today. Remember when we were teenagers, chugging along through high school to get the fuck out to graduate? That's what OYF conveys, and I give it the Remy Seal of Approval. Read it, laugh, and recommend it to your friends. It has the potential to be one of the best online comics ever if it were to get enough views.

I don't know much about Poor Little Runia, as it's just getting started, but you can definitely see the contrast between the art styles (both comics are done by the same artist, by the way). But it's nothing short of brilliant, I'm sure. With such few strips at the moment, unlike MegaTokyo or 8 Bit Theater, it's not hard to jump in. Plus, you get the novelty of saying you were reading it since the very beginning. Classy AND awesome at the same time.

Please, if you can take a simple twenty seconds of your time and vote for OYF to become one of the top web comics, please do so here. A little goes a long way, and I'm sure you'd want the same thing if you were drawing and putting effort into something like this. Anyways, that's it. As Ryan Seacrest would say, I'm out.

And people wonder why the popularity of baseball isn't what it used to be...

Of course it isn't, when 2/3 of the league goes into the season knowing they have absolutely no chance of competing. There isn't going to be interest from those cities.

Sure, you get the surprise team here and there, but by in large, it's the same teams year after year that compete and make the postseason. And those surprise teams are unable to maintain being a contender.

It's no wonder that the NFL is far more popular than MLB is. They have things to keep the competitive balance alive, so that the teams in big markets or with owners with deep pockets can't just dominate the league.

If there were no cap in the NFL, you can bet that the Giants and Jets would have enormous payrolls. In addition to teams like Washington, Dallas and Seattle, because their owners are unbelievably rich.

The best thing they could do in baseball is cut the league in half and just eliminate the teams that can't compete.

Small market teams should not be the farm system for the big market teams. But that's what it amounts to. They draft/sign the player, groom him for the big leagues and then he's gone as soon as he can become a free agent. And criticizing a small market team for not being able to pay big money to a player is asinine. They don't generate the revenue that the big markets teams do. Therefore they don't have the money to spend. But I guess that's alright when you root for a big market team.

It's rather comical that one team has handed out contracts to three players worth a combined $413-423 million this winter and they may not be done. Add to that, they asked the city for $400 million to finish their stadium. That's rather pathetic.

Level off the playing field and they would be taking a giant step toward getting interest back in the game. I'm not just in favor of a salary cap, there should also be a minimum payroll and not something extremely low either.

Payrolls have gotten out of control and they will eventually kill the golden goose. It may take a little while longer, but it will happen. People will get tired of paying exorbitant prices to go to games, that's when it will smack them in the face. By then, the game will be broken and will need a complete overhaul to get going.

I know fans of the big market teams will say that I'm just mad because I don't root for one of those teams. You're right, I don't. In fact, I have a hard time rooting for anybody in baseball because of the way things are done. I gave up caring a long time ago, but I root for the Orioles.

What the Hell is Wrong With Football?: The WTF 2008 Season of both Professional and College Football

This year has just been a down year for football in general. I know many of our readers probably don't give a flying fuck about sports, but this is a rant I just have to cover. Normally it is just one or the other that has itself messed up, but this year it's just bad on both ends. Now, without further ado, here are my points.

1) The National Football League referees flat out SUCK.



There are many blown calls by the refs every year, but this year is certainly a year to remember. It all started with the muffed call in week 1 against the Chargers when the infamous tuck rule reared it's ugly head, giving the Denver Broncos a win in a call that decided the outcome of the game. Now remember, I can only talk about blown calls I could actually see myself, so I only have a few.

- Earlier this year, the Baltimore Ravens hosted the Tennessee Titans in a battle of great defenses. The Ravens were winning in the fourth quarter, and the Titans needed a TD to win. On third down, Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs sacked Tennessee quarterback Kerry Collins, in what would have been the turning point in an already great game. Instead, the refs flagged Suggs for roughing the passer when his hand barely touched Collins' helmet. The Titans would later win the game with Collins throwing a TD pass.

- In Week 15 of the NFL season, the Baltimore Ravens once again hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers in a rematch of a monday night loss to Pittsburgh at Heinz Field after the Steelers came from behind in the second half. Many analysts predicted that the outcome would be different when the Steelers would have to travel to M&T Bank Stadium in Maryland for the rematch. A blown call earlier in the game gave Pittsburgh a field goal, when their running back attempted to run for the first down. The officials ruled the result a first down, when the runner was clearly pushed back way before the first down marker. Ravens coach John Harbaugh challenged the call, but to no avail, the play stood as called. Overlooking this, the Ravens coasted into half time with a 9-6 lead over their arch-rival. And the Ravens defense held up...until the last two minutes of the game. Rex Ryan was stupid and kept calling a prevent defense, but Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger found his receivers wide open in the middle of the field. The Steelers went from their own ten yard line to the Ravens six. With 43 seconds remaining, Roethlisberger threw a pass to Santonio Holmes, who caught the ball in the endzone. The only problem was, the ball never crossed the plane of the endzone. The official rulings state: "A touchdown is scored when the ball crosses the plane of the goal line". The refs original ruling was "The ball did not cross the plane of the goal line, the ball will be spotted at the one yard line". The refs reviewed the play, and ruled that Holmes caught the ball and progressed it into the end zone with NO conclusive evidence. It was a bad call, and the only people willing to defend it are Steelers homers who will sit here and defend Bill Cowher and their rigged Super Bowl XL win. Regardless, good ole Bawlmer dropped to 9-5, giving the Shittsburgh Squeelers the AFC North title.

But besides the bad calls, the refs have gotten overly vindictive about protecting the quarterback, to the point the rule should just be that the defense should touch the QB with two hands to bring him down.

2) I'm tired of hearing University of Texas fans complain how they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field and they deserve to be in the National Title game against Florida.

For you to understand how this works, the National Championship Game takes place between the top two teams in the BCS Poll every year. Earlier this year, Texas was ranked #1. Texas lost to Texas Tech, who jumped a then-undefeated Penn State to become #2, with Alabama taking the number one spot. A few weeks later, Oklahoma crushed Texas Tech and became #2. According to Big XII rules, a tiebreaker is resolved to whoever is higher in the BCS rankings. Texas fans felt that since they beat Oklahoma though, they deserved to play Missouri for the Big XII championship game. Alright, fair enough, but don't you DARE say you won at a "neutral site". Because you didn't. For those who didn't know, the game between OU and UT took place here:



See that dot labeled "Dallas"? Yeah, that was the neutral site. Real fucking neutral, just because it was played away from the University of Texas' home stadium doesn't exactly make the field neutral. But then again, the people arguing this are from *Texas*, so I guess you can't expect them to argue competently. Oklahoma crushed Missouri, and now they will play Florida for the National Championship. Even though Oklahoma is a good team, I have one more gripe...

3) Oklahoma ran up the score in their last five games, and their average quarterback won the Heisman.



In the above picture is a douchebag named Sam Bradford, who plays for the very overrated Oklahoma Sooners football team. Before you ask, I am a Penn State fan, and any fan of a team not named USC, Ohio State, Michigan, Florida State, Notre Dame, or any Big XII or SEC school knows how this works. Unless your school was just named, you have no chance of getting to the National Championship unless you go undefeated and blow out every opponent by twenty or more points. This is how the very bias BCS system works.

The Heisman trophy is given out to the best football player in college. Normally, this a quarterback or a running back who, throughout the season, did everything necessary to help their team win. The finalists this year were all quarterbacks, Colt McCoy of Texas, Tim Tebow of Florida, and Sam Bradford of Oklahoma. The real Heisman winner, Michael Crabtree, a WR from Texas Tech, wasn't even invited. Bradford had the numbers, McCoy had the completion percentage, and Tebow had the come from behind victories and was vowing to win another Heisman, to become only the second player in history to win two Heisman awards. In a rigged ceremony, Bradford won the award to become the second sophomore to win the Heisman, after Mr. Tebow himself. So why am I complaining? Bradford only put up those numbers after running up the score on weaker teams. This was the same reason why Colt Brennan of Hawaii didn't win the Heisman last year, despite having better numbers than Bradford.

Oklahoma ran up the score in multiple games towards the end of the season in an effort to earn votes from Coaches and Harris poll voters so they could jump a team they lost to in the BCS standings. In successive games against Nebraska, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, and Oklahoma State, they scored 62, 66, 65, and 61 points despite having 30 point leads in all but the Oklahoma State game. In their game against Oklahoma State, their starting quarterback, Sam Bradford, was left in all game despite an injury to his hand and a 20 point margin of victory. Well gee, no wonder he threw for 48 touchdowns! On top of it...

In the Big XII conference title game, they continued to run up the score against an ineffective Missouri Tigers defense. They scored 21 points in the fourth quarter despite a 41-14 lead going in to the quarter. What a fucking dick move. I hate Bob Stoops and Oklahoma, I really do. Joe Paterno has never ran the score up on anyone, except for ONE time against the Pittsburgh Panthers, which is fair considering they are an instate rival. But he never did it again. Bradford got the Heisman because he played against weaker teams, and ran up the score well after the game was in hand. All this shows is that the Heisman Committee awards players who resort to tasteless tactics. When Oklahoma loses the title game, I hope Bradford tears an ACL.

See? This year football is really dragging me down, but I guess this is an upside compared to how my Orioles do every year.

The 12 Rules of a Remy/Xyle Christmas

To get into this Christmas Spirit, I've come up with a list of rules to follow for your Christmas to be just like the way Xyle and I would celebrate it. I.E, the right way.

House Rule #1) The only Christmas music allowed is Trans-Siberian Orchestra. NO Exceptions.

House Rule #2) Pie is the official dessert of choice. It must be an awesome pie, like Blueberry or the Remy-family favorite, Graham Cracker pie.

House Rule #3) No Christmas cartoon movies. They are stupid as crap. Unfortunately, this includes The Year Without A Santa Clause, for which we will give a special pardon to. You MAY watch that one ONCE.

House Rule #4) Throughout the entire month, only cigarettes brands made by the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company may be smoked. To be quite honest, this rule should be allowed all year, it's that important. When cigarettes made my R.J Reynolds cannot be obtained, please smoke a complementary Black & Mild.

House Rule #5) No articles of clothing are to be given as gifts, unless specifically asked for or it is an awesome hoodie.

House Rule #6) Setting up mistletoe is a nice way to kiss the girl (or guy, if you're a female reader) of your fantasies without seeming like a total puss.

House Rule #7) The official beer of the month of December is the Samuel Adams Winter Lager. This is the only other month besides November in which this seasonal beer can be purchased in. Make good use of it.

House Rule #8) As a man, it's mandatory to watch the football game on Christmas Day. If it is a blowout or the Detroit Lions are playing, you may turn it off.

House Rule #9) Smoke a bowl. 'Nuff said.

House Rule #10) The gift of Custom Firmware is a great gift for those who own PSPs. Spread the wealth, and may you rejoice in everlasting happiness as we dance on Nintendo's balls!

House Rule #11) Egg Nog is a must. If you don't like Egg Nog, too bad. If you're a health nut, get Diet Egg Nog. There is no exception for you to not have Egg Nog. Remember, Vodka + Egg Nog go hand in hand.

House Rule #12) Don't be fake happy. I hate that because it's the holidays, everyone puts on that happy smile and acts like everything is okay when it could very well not be. Don't be one of those people.

And remember, enjoy every sandwich.